A Positive Decision
by BayWest
Summary: Kate struggles with a life altering decision while Castle struggles with how to get through to the woman he loves. Post-Season 3 finale, no Season 4 spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

A Positive Decision By: Bay West

Her hands shake severely as she fumbles with the box in the tiny bathroom stall.

The directions are printed so small she can barely read what they say but she figures she has the basic idea and rips open the packaging, wishing she had forced herself to drink something this morning to make the process easier.

All women go through this terror at some point in their lives, she thinks. She's not the only woman in the history of the world to be crouched in a bathroom, hands shaking, peeing onto a stick. Desperately hoping a minus sign appears.

But most are probably in high school or college when they are carefree, sloppy, forgetful. Not in their 30's, professional and supposedly have their lives together.

She is mortified to be doing it in a bathroom at work but they are in the middle of a tough case and there's no way she can get home until late tonight, if at all, and she has to know. At least if she knows she can react.

Three days late is no big deal right? Maybe it's just from stress. She had worked long hours last week.

She's had a lot on her mind.

In particular, he's been on her mind. On a constant loop.

The feel of his teeth pulling at her skin...the way his body fits perfectly against hers when he's on top..the way her legs wrap around his strong thighs locking them together in a single momentum.

She'll randomly find herself staring at his strong profile as they work a case, imagining all the dirty things they could do one another until he catches her eyes and smirks, as if he is reading her mind.

It's those dirty things that have landed her here, in this bathroom.

And it's not so much the three days late that convinced her something is wrong in the first place. It is the smell of coffee.

This morning, when he sat the cup down on her desk, she had to hold her breath to keep from throwing up. The smell was...pungent. It overwhelmed her immediately and she couldn't even think of taking a sip.

And Kate Beckett never wastes coffee.

Castle noticed her disgust immediately and stared her down, "Since when have you ever avoided drinking coffee at 8am?"

Kate didn't have an answer because the answer was never.

She just distracted him with the murder board and led him into a theory about ninja assassins that kept him entertained for at least an hour.

And honestly, now that the moment of truth was upon her, she felt ridiculous for being so panicked.

She was surely just overreacting right?

In 5 minutes she should know. She sets the timer on her phone and closes her eyes, saying a silent to prayer to whatever Gods might exist in the universe.

There's no way that a single night of...that...all those weeks ago, could possibly result in...this.

They used protection. She was a few drinks in during the moment of truth but she remembers stopping, helping him. Both times.

It had been awhile since either of them fumbled with condoms and she was a mix of embarrassed and amused.

"Do I need to use anything?", Castle peels his lips from her neck and mummers to her as she shakes with intensity.

"Yes...I mean..I'm not on the pill or anything..."

She suddenly hated herself for stopping it during the shooting aftermath. After her and Josh broke up, it just wasn't necessary.

"Wallet...I have one in my wallet..."

Kate reaches to the side table and grabs the wallet while Castle's mouth finds its way to her bare stomach and she suddenly loses all control, moaning loudly and melting back into his body.

"It's been awhile since I've used one of these so don't judge..."

She giggles as he fumbles with the packaging. She keeps distracting him by kissing him flirtatiously. He just looks so cute while concentrating.

"Don't watch!"

She props herself onto her knees, taking the small package from his hand.

"How about I help?"

Wallet condoms? Sober, sensible Kate would realize those things were probably ancient, prone to malfunction.

3 minutes left.

Was she supposed to tell him about this? They had barely even discussed the night in question. Not because she didn't want to but he knew, he knew she wasn't available until the wall came down. Until they solved her mother's murder.

When he approached her about it with his soft voice and grin, "Kate we should talk..." She always brushed him off, asking for more space. More time.

Which he always gave her, because it's Richard Castle.

2 minutes left.

A baby?

Kate honestly never thought she would have kids. Especially as she gets older, remains unmarried and becomes even more focused on her job.

She is on her way to being promoted in the next few years and if she thinks she is busy now, it wouldn't compare to an increased role.

And Castle isn't exactly young. He would be almost 60 when...if...this baby...graduates high school.

1 minute left.

She is so damaged. She's been in therapy for nearly a year and the wall that was there all those months ago has barely been chipped.

She can't even have a real relationship with Castle, let alone a family.

She knows she has options and has always been the first to vote in favor of exercising those options for women in positions like hers.

But now.

Now that she's 60 seconds from knowing. The options seem so impractical when applied to her own life.

30 seconds.

15 seconds.

10 seconds.

Her phone timer glows with an alarm clock image.

0 seconds.

Her hand is wrapped so tightly around the stick that her knuckles are white. She can feel sweat forming on her temples. Her heart is beating in her throat.

Kate. Just do it. Just look and you'll know.

Slowly she peels away her hand and reminds herself of the directions, a plus sign is bad, a plus sign means baby.

plus sign.

_Chapter 2 to follow..if people are interested in it?_


	2. Chapter 2

It's probably a faulty test. She snagged it from the medical cart and who knows how long it had been sitting there. They rarely use them, just when it's relevant to a case and she can't remember in all her years as a detective ever needing to give a witness or suspect a pregnancy test.

If it's expired, it's probably not accurate right?

Hot tears well over her eyes and she can't stop fingering the faint pink plus symbol in the window.

She's completely lost track of time but she knows it's been almost an hour. The guys must be worried. She's actually surprised no one has looked for her yet. Especially Castle.

If she's out of his sight longer than 10 minutes he's trolling the precinct like a puppy looking for it's owner.

And she's stopped denying to herself that she minds one bit. She finds comfort in his consistency. His presence.

She's also stopped denying to her herself that she loves him. It's pitifully obvious.

It's just not that easy.

She's confused about so many things, her mother's case, her therapy sessions, the idea of losing him as a result of her own shortcomings.

All of it added together makes her feel like they can never overcome the obstacles placed in front of them and truly be together.

And more importantly, be normal together.

And she can't raise a kid in a dysfunctional situation. That's just setting them up for failure before their life begins.

Not to mention the lingering cloud of danger that seems to follow them both.

Barely a year ago she was shot by a sniper, hired by some unknown person, who desperately wants her..and a lot of other people...dead. And now she's going to have a baby and place both of them in the crosshairs?

The thoughts of what could happen to the nameless, faceless child force more tears in her eyes and she's so glad no one else is in the bathroom to hear her audible sobs.

She briefly imagines a world where she never leaves the bathroom. She just sits in the same spot for 9 months and doesn't have to face anyone.

But her dream is crushed by the sound of the door creaking open.

"Um...Beckett? Are you in here?"

She's been gone too long. She knew Castle started with the obvious hiding spots and finished by searching the bathrooms. He's done it before.

"If you had a bad lunch or something...I can bring you some medicine? No shame! Last week..I had this greek gyro and..."

If she wasn't staring at a positive pregnancy test, she might grin at his adorableness but that's the last thing on her mind right now.

"I"m fine Castle...I just...need a minute."

She chokes out the words. Hoping he doesn't notice the emotion in her voice. She holds her breath, hoping to hear the door shut behind him.

"Are you crying? Are you ok?"

She sighs. She can never fool Castle, it's a hopeless cause.

He knows her like the back of his hand and even if he didn't, he's eerily good at picking up on small clues.

"I'm FINE Castle. Seriously, get out of the women's bathroom"

She adds an edge of emphasis and anger hoping to motivate him to leave her alone. But instead she hears him shuffle closer.

"Well no one else is in here so right now, it's just your bathroom. And if you're crying..."

Kate quickly wraps the box, test and contents and shoves them in the trash bin. Does one keep something like that?

She takes a deep breath, knowing that she has to face him eventually and he will never leave her alone.

She wipes the remaining tears from her face and resolves to stay strong.

She pushes out of the stall and heads directly to the sink, avoiding eye contact. He's standing close, staring her down.

"Is it...PTSD? You know it's nothing to be ashamed of right?"

His voice is soft, almost scared of her pending answer.

And no matter how hard she tries to control her own vibrato, it shakes with each word.

"No Castle...I told you, I'm fine. Can't a girl just...have a moment?"

If she looks at him she'll buckle, her knees will collapse and she'll end up in his arms, sobbing, asking him to make it all go away. To change her...their...destiny.

Because no what she decides..this changes them, forever.

A baby, an adoption, an abortion. All of it becomes a new page to their never ending dramatic story.

And she doesn't really believe they can take much more.

"Kate I have a teenage daughter, I've dealt with my fair share of tears...if you want to talk, I'm here."

He takes a step closer, into her personal space. So close that she can feel the rise and fall of his breathing.

She wants to turn to him and press her body against his.

She remembers how it felt, strong and welcoming. How he crushed her in the best way possible with his broad shoulders and strong arms. Squeezing the pain out of her. Replacing it with passion and excitement.

The way his mouth moved against her. So deep and sensual. As if they had both been practicing the moment in their heads for so long. It was perfectly rehearsed.

When it happened, it was the result of too many glasses of wine and too many longing looks and smirks that pushed them both over the edge. Ripping at one another's clothes on her living room floor.

Why didn't they realize this is where they would find themselves a month later?

"Let's get out of here..the bathroom AND the precinct. Alexis is at school and my mom is at her theatre...we could just talk...unwind?"

He reaches out to finger her elbow, making small circles with his thumb. She swallows back the desire to respond.

She knows what he means by unwind. It's the last thing she can focus on right now.

"Castle. I can't. Please, just give me some space?"

It's a familiar line and she doesn't mean to be so curt. So angry. So...old Kate.

But everything is overwhelming her. She knows new Kate should validate those feelings, talk to him, let him in and to share the experience with her.

But one thing at a time.

And right now, she was thinking of the pink plus mark that is seared into her brain.

"Can I at least get you coffee?"

His voice is so sympathetic, like he is yearning to know more. To help her.

But he said the one thing in the world that was worse than PTSD.

Coffee.

Just the word sent her rushing back into the bathroom stall, bent in half, dry heaving up the breakfast she didn't even eat.

* * *

><p>He knows her better than anyone else. He can tell when she's hurt, or angry, or pretending to hate him but secretly loving him.<p>

And despite her constant pleas of being "Fine". He can tell she's not.

And even though she's bent over a filthy precinct toilet, throwing up, he doesn't think she's sick.

He grabs paper towels and runs them through cold water, placing them on the back of her neck. He feels for a fever as he brushes back her hair to hold but she feels fine.

Her eyes are bright red, clearly from crying.

He suspects PTSD but she's so calm this time, in comparison to last time. Maybe it's a milder attack?

He rubs small circles on her back, just to let her know he's there.

Which is what it feels like he's constantly doing these days. Reminding her he's not going anywhere. He will wait.

But some days he worries that the wall they talked about knocking down, isn't falling fast enough.

"Will you let me call Lanie? She might be able to suggest some medicine..."

She sighs, leaning her head against her palm as if she's steadying a swimming nausea.

"I'm fine Castle."

But she's not, tears still openly fall from her eyes and he has no idea why.

"Will you stop saying you're fine?"

His words are sharp and frustrated but when she's like this, it's like he can't get through to her.

She reaches back and squeezes his hand on her shoulder, letting her fingers linger for a moment intertwined with his.

"I'm sorry I'm just hot. It's hot in here and the case is just eating away at me...can I get a minute to freshen up and I'll be out?"

He stops moving his hand on her back and pauses, staring at her. He shouldn't leave her but he's out of things to try. He's out of ways to get through to her.

With the sniper case, it was Esposito who broke her down. He knew to stand clear.

Maybe this will be the same.

He sighs, exasperated but not loving her any less.

"I'm not buying this story of yours about being 'fine' but..I will give you some space.."

She offers up a weak smile. She's pale and tears dot her cheeks. He is constantly amazed how she manages to look beautiful in the worst of situations.

"Thank you Castle. I'm sure I will feel better soon. If not, I'll let you hold my hair again as I throw up!"

She raises an eyebrow to him in flirtation as if she knows that always disarms him.

He smirks at her and a natural smile curls on her tear stained face.

"Ok...just don't puke on my shoes, these are new and suede and it would be a nightmare to get chunks out."

And with that he smiles and backs away, her back leaning against the cool stall wall as he leaves her.

"Hey Castle..."

He turns on a heel at the doorway at the sound of her quiet voice. His hand pauses on the door handle, "yea?"

"No coffee"

He smirks and leaves her behind. To sort out her own demons, per usual.

This is the dance they have been doing for years. What started as innocent flirtation grew quickly into mutual admiration, attraction even...but last year, with her mothers case, the Montgomery connection, it spiraled into undeniable love.

Except, they spend all their time denying it. Admitting it occasionally through small moments like hand holdings or smirks, shoulder bumps, maybe a kiss on the cheek even.

But last month it exploded into more. Way more. He went to Kate's loft to check on her after a tough case, a few glasses of wine and anything keeping them apart didn't seem to make sense anymore.

_"Castle...the way you look at me sometimes...it's like you don't even see the damaged parts...it scares me."_

_Her hand lingers on his thigh, making small circles with her fingers and making it difficult for him to concentrate._

_"You're not damaged Kate...you're beautiful...you're strong...those are the qualities I see..."_

_His voice is a low whisper, matching her own seductive tone. He reaches down, finding the fingers on his thigh with his own and tracing the lines of her palm and each finger._

_"This wouldn't be the same as before. Not before the shooting. You know the wall is there now, you are working on it. We can work on it together."_

_She smiles, staring directly into his eyes, biting her bottom lip._

_"It's not that simple for me. I wish that it were."_

_But it is that simple. She just doesn't see it._

_"I will wait for..."_

_Before he can finish, her lips crush against his in a passionate haze. He feels her entire body lift onto his, her knees straddled on each side of his waist, his hands rest on her lower hips as she runs her fingers through his hair and works her tongue against his mouth._

_He knows he should stop this from going any further but he can't make himself stop. His hands reach under her shirt, feeling her blazing hot skin and instead of stopping him, she lifts the shirt over her head, throwing it onto the floor._

_Trouble. This means trouble._  
>_<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

She successfully avoided getting sick for the rest of the day. And for the most part she avoided questions from the guys..most of all Castle.

He brought her crackers and seltzer at lunch, assuming she had an upset stomach but regardless of his motivation it eased her nausea and she reminded herself to eat them again tomorrow before work.

One thing she couldn't do is focus on the case. Ryan and Espo eventually cracked a few leads with the help of Castle and they nagged a suspect but she admittedly played no part in the success.

She was just glad for a long day to come to a close, even though she knew that until she made a decision and told Castle, there were a lot of long days in her future.

"Hey, want to grab a drink with us at the Old Haunt? It might take the edge off?"

Castle lingered by her desk as she gathered her belongings.

"No thanks...I'm exhausted..I just want to go home..."

Castle sighed and nodded. Shot down again. A regular pattern these days.

"BECKETT!"

Iron Gates' voice rang through the precinct and it didn't sound like she was looking for her to say good job.

"Ohh someone is in trouble!"

Castle sing songed behind her as Gates strode up to her desk, file in hand.

"Yes sir?"

"You're overdue for hand to hand combat certification. Since you closed this case I signed you up for the class tomorrow morning at the training academy. Bring the certificate back with you so I can put it in your file. And keep track of your certifications Detective, I shouldn't have to track you down like a school teacher."

Kate stared at the paper. Worst. Possible. Timing.

There's no way she should be doing hand to hand training right now. She was no doctor but she was assuming that repeated kicks and punches to her body wasn't a good idea.

"Um Sir...I actually think maybe I'm coming down with something. Can I reschedule?"

The look on Gates face was not a pleasant one and she even heard Castle shift uncomfortably beside her.

"NO Detective Beckett. You cannot reschedule because you're already expired. So if you want to turn in your gun and badge instead of retest then that's an option as well."

This day could not possibly get any worse but she blinked back the tears that were pressing against her eyes. She would never give her the satisfaction of crying.

She longed for Captain Montgomery. If he were still here she would probably already have been in his office, spilling her heart out, trusting him with her most sacred secret.

Kate was boiling with anger as she flipped through the coulda, shoulda, woulda's in her head.

" Well I have personal time saved up and I'd like to use a day tomorrow...a sick day."

Gates sighed, exasperated with her.

"Bring in a doctor's note or turn in your badge. And sign up for retesting this week."

She shot Beckett a final glare and an extra one to Castle, even though he surprisingly stayed quiet for the entire interaction.

Kate quickly finished packing her bag and stormed out, Castle hot on her heels.

"I don't have to go to the Old Haunt with the guys...I make a good nurse. Alexis used to get strep throat all the time."

Inside her head she was screaming YES. Come home with me. Draw me a hot bath and hold me in your arms and whisper that it's going to be ok. Feed me crackers and seltzer and stay awake with me all night because I won't be able to get a wink of sleep with all the thoughts plowing through my head.

But instead she offered him a weak smile,

"I'm sure you're a regular Florence Nightingale but I'm going home and going to bed, I really don't think there's much to be done."

Castle grabbed her elbow as she exited the elevator into the lobby.

"Do you at least have soup? You should eat soup."

His face was so concerned. His brow furrowed.

"I will find something...I'll call you tomorrow Castle..."

She kept walking and held her breath hoping he didn't chase after her again because she didn't think she could reject him a third time in a row. Even she had her limits.

As she walked in the brisk New York night, she felt tears forming again in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Stinging her skin in the crisp night air.

Castle was right. A year into therapy and what has it got her?

Walking home alone, pregnant and not a word uttered to Castle about it. With no clue of what she planned to do, scared out of her mind, forcing herself to face it alone.

And why? She never had an answer to those questions. Her therapist said she practiced a form of self-torture as punishment for not yet solving her mother's case. She hated to admit that she agreed with his theory.

By the time she got home, she didn't think she could muster the energy up for anything but sleep but Gates required a doctors note and she knew she should confirm things with a doctor instead of an old pregnancy test so she made a doctors appointment online for the morning.

She found herself searching for dozens of other websites. Even one that explained the exact stage of her pregnancy and that the little ball of cells inside of her was forming a head and spinal cord. How is that possible?

She googled "morning sickness cures" and only because she felt like it was important to do thorough research, she looked into all of her other options but it made her sick to her stomach to face the truth.

She looked around her loft. Where could she possibly fit a crib. Were exposed metal and wood beams safe for a baby?

There was probably lead in the peeling paint on the old industrial walls.

This baby was doomed before it was even confirmed.

All of the planning and thinking made her head hurt. It made her heart hurt.

But she couldn't stop thinking long enough to sleep. Her hands finding a resting spot on her perfectly flat stomach.

She listened to herself breathe for hours until she heard a familiar tapping at her door. She instantly knew that it was Castle. No one else would show up, unannounced at 11pm.

She didn't even bother checking the peephole before swinging the door open to find him standing there, paper bags in hand.

"I went home. I did. But I knew you weren't going to find soup and I couldn't stand the idea of you being here, without someone taking care of you so I brought sick rations"

He held the bags up to her with a weak smile, half scared of her reaction.

She was too tired to argue and motioned for him to walk past. She definitely noticed the huge grin on his face as he breezed by her.

"OK I brought chicken noodle soup and wedding soup...I didn't know what one you would want. And crackers, toast and jello. And wine. Because..well, I'm not sick and I need a drink."

He immediately got started unloading everything in her tiny kitchen but not before grabbing her a blanket and forcing her to stay on the couch, covered up.

The more he invested in taking care of her, the worse she felt about cutting him out of the truth. But she was barely 12 hours into this situation herself so it was still justified right?

He prepared her a bowl of chicken noodle soup and toast, which actually was the first thing she thought about all day that didn't make her want to throw up.

He settled into the far end of the couch with his glass of wine, lightly grinning at her. It was so deceiving, how normal it all felt.

She didn't really think he would react badly to the news. This was Castle and for the most part, he was the most positive, cheerful guy she knew. And he loves kids.

And he loves Kate.

But she knows him. The minute the words escape her mouth he's going to be full throttle. Planning their future. Naming the ball of cells in her womb. Probably planning a wedding.

And what could she give him in return? Being terrified? Doubting if she would ever truly be ready for a real, healthy relationship?

It wasn't fair to him.

But suddenly with him there, her mind quieted and she felt her body ease. Even though he didn't know, she felt like she wasn't facing it alone and she curled up under the blanket, her feet resting on his legs and his hand protectively on her curled knees.

Before she could even tell him to leave for the night she felt her eyes grow heavy and she dozed off.

She can't be certain but she thinks she felt his warm lips brush the top of her forehead as she slipped into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>He didn't know how long was appropriate to stay while she slept but she looked so peaceful, for the first time all day there weren't worry lines etched into her delicate skin.<p>

Every so often she would lightly stir, making small sighs and whimpers, settling back into sleep almost instantly.

He sat at the end of the couch, her feet in his lap, just watching her.

He didn't lie to her, after a drink with the guys he really did go home but he couldn't shake the idea of her home alone. If this was a PTSD episode he knew how quickly it could spiral out of control and if it did, this time he wanted to be there to help her.

But he wasn't convinced that was what this was. Other than swollen eyes and a pale palor she seemed fine. She even joked with him about his ability to pick up the best NYC takeout even on a random weeknight at 11pm.

So maybe she was just sick and he overreacted. It wouldn't be the first time he jumped to conclusions when it came to Kate Beckett.

After a few minutes of making certain she was sleeping soundly, he quietly cleaned up the kitchen and contemplated staying with her for the night but he knew he was on the verge of overwhelming her and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

The night a few weeks ago...their night...was the most progress they had made in years and even though he felt like they took ten steps back since that point, he knew it was at least something and he didn't want to eliminate the possibilities of where it could lead.

He quickly scratched a note out for her and left it on the coffee table, covering her with an extra blanket and brushing the stray hairs out of her peaceful face.

She had no idea how beautiful she was. He almost thought sometimes she was self conscious of her height, long legs, striking features. When she walked into crowded rooms he always noticed her cower for a moment, hesitant about what others were thinking.

If only she knew her own strength.

He pressed his lips softly to her forehead, letting them linger for a second too long.

"Goodnight Kate..."

And he slipped back out the door, to return to where he came from.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're definitely pregnant Kate. By the looks of your HcG levels you're about a month to 6 weeks along, so your due date would be August 18th. Does that sound accurate?"

She knew the doctor was going to say it but still, the words felt like a punch to her gut.

"If you want...we can do an ultrasound, take a look? It's too early to detect a fetal heartbeat with a hand monitor..."

She shakes her head almost immediately.

"No...I just need some time...how long do I have to make a decision? This wasn't really planned."

No wonder women felt inferior when asking about options. She felt awful just asking the question but she wanted to be realistic.

"I would recommend making it quickly, the longer you wait the harder the decision becomes and the risk of complications increases."

She can't help but think of her mom. She feels like she would be disappointed in her and if there's anything she's tried to avoid throughout her life, it's disappointing her mother's legacy.

"And if I have the baby...what do I need to do?"

She tried to remain as level headed as possible. Procedural. She needed someone to give her a list and she could check it off as she went along.

"You'll need an OB, I can give you recommendations...but regardless of your final decision, I want you to start on pre-natal vitamins right away, you can always stop them if you decide to terminate the pregnancy but it's better to start them now than wait...and you want to avoid the usuals, alcohol, smoking, deli meat, soft cheeses...if the nausea is bad, try to eat small meals or snacks throughout the day. Usually crackers or dry bread help a little."

Terminate the pregnancy. The words ripped through her.

She was adamant her entire adult life that she was a one shot kind of girl. One marriage, forever, and if kids were ever in the cards it would be a joyous occasion, not one that ended with "terminate the pregnancy".

"Kate take a deep breath, it's ok to be scared."

Scared meant weak. She wasn't weak.

"So my job can be pretty physical and I haven't told anyone yet..."

"I can give you a doctors note requesting you avoid physical activity for a week, to give you time for a decision. If you do decide to continue the pregnancy, we can talk more about a long term solution?"

She nodded. At least he understood her need to buy more time. Just a few more days, to live with this choice and decide.

"Kate...I believe in whole body wellness. I think mental health is as important as physical...and emotional health, above all, can have a tremendous impact on our body. Your blood pressure and heart rate are high, which in the short term, due to the circumstances it doesn't concern me but in the long term it can affect the fetus. If there's anything you can do to eliminate the stress you're feeling over this decision, I'd recommend doing it...maybe confiding in a loved one?"

Kate tried to force out a thank you, tears filling her eyes.

She suddenly regretted taking off the entire day from work. Now that she had a note, she could go back to work and Gates would put her on desk duty, unhappily of course.

The note just read that due to a physical ailment she couldn't be on active service. She knew Gates would ask about the ailment but it wasn't any of her business.

But the guys, Castle, they would demand to know. They all knew her too well.

Although she would almost rather face their firing squad than spend an entire day alone, with her thoughts and the pending decision.

But she knew avoiding the situation wouldn't help eliminate emotional stress. Or help her decide on what to do next.

After leaving the doctor's office she walked without direction for hours, pacing the streets of the city. She had nowhere to go, nothing to do, but walking helped clear her mind.

Every time she saw a mother with a baby pass her on the sidewalk she felt a lurch in her stomach.

A small part of her could picture her chasing a little Richard Castle down the sidewalk, he would be full of energy like his dad, inquisitive like both of his parents and strong like Kate.

Or maybe it would be a girl. She knew from seeing Castle with Alexis that she would be wrapped around his little finger. And Kate learned so much from having a wonderful mother that she felt like at the very least she could replicate her mother's strengths.

Eventually her aimless walking ended up having a purpose as she looked up and found herself a block away from Castle's building.

She fiddled with the phone in her hand, contemplating the consequences if she showed up on his door step.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she tapped his name on the screen and held her breath.

* * *

><p>"Hey! Come in...how are you feeling?"<p>

He had been secretly hoping she would call all morning but he didn't have the highest of hopes based on her recent track record so he was surprised when her name appeared on his screen and she requested to stop by.

"Oh I'm...hanging in there. Did I interrupt your writing?"

He was actually in the middle of an important scene and working on deadline to get the first half of his book to the publisher before next week. But she didn't need to know that.

"No not at all. I was just hanging out."

She looked nervous, her usual wavy hair was pinned up and she didn't have on any makeup. He was so used to seeing her at work these days that the casual jeans and tennis shoes were a surprise.

"Can I get you anything? Tea?...Coff..."

She shook her head and stopped him mid-sentence.

"NO...no I'm fine...hey do you want to go for a walk?"

He stared at the laptop on the coffee table. He could write tonight. Even if he had to stay up all night to do it.

"Yea, let me grab my coat..."

There was no way he was going to miss spending one on one personal time with her.

They walked in silence for a few blocks. It was bright and sunny but chilly, the sharp January wind was almost silent.

She led him to Greenwich Village, which he knew to be her favorite part of the city because they always ended up there when they needed to meet up.

"Man I love these brownstones...I mean I really love the loft but sometimes I think about selling it for one of these.."

He felt like he was entertaining himself because she was unresponsive no matter what he said.

"Have you ever tried that Italian place? It's delicious...they have the best salmon with this delicate orange glaze..."

She waved him off from talking and he saw her close her eyes to steady herself.

"Are you ok?"

She inhaled deeply for a beat and nodded. Continuing to walk slowly beside him. He couldn't help but stare at her, trying to unravel each clue. He was even more certain today than yesterday that something was wrong with her.

"Kate, maybe it's a mild PTSD episode..."

She didn't reply to his lead-in and he eventually stopped trying to force conversation, just staying present with her, following her lead around the small brick streets.

She finally picked a vacant black park bench overlooking a school yard and they sat down. He remembered touring that school when Alexis was little but it was too expensive for a barely successful author at the time.

He would normally tell Kate about it and how he's pretty sure that's the one where Alexis peed her pants during the entrance interview but she is staring silently ahead so he follows her lead.

He imagines them years from now, sitting on this exact bench, sipping coffee, talking about their Christmas plans or a hard day at work. His fingers would lazily move over to hers, natural, unassuming. She would mess with his hair as the wind blows it out of place.

Finally after a few minutes pass, she breaks his thoughts with her soft voice.

"Do you ever think about having more kids?"

The question catches him off guard. He tracks her eyes and shes watching a mom reign in two little kids to a stroller and he is silently grateful Alexis was such an easy kid to raise.

"Um I don't know...I'm not exactly a spring chicken and with Alexis graduating this year I kind of feel like it would be starting all over again ya know?"

He isn't sure why she is asking but almost immediately he regrets his answer. She is younger than him and they have never talked about it but what if she wants kids and he just wrote her off.

"But I mean...I'm not opposed..."

He tries to back track but shes chewing her lip in deep thought, hands shoved in her leather coat pockets with the collar pulled up close around her flushed cheeks.

"Do you want kids?"

He studies her face as she looked away quickly with a heavy swallow. He suddenly wonders if the shooting left her without the ability to have kids? Her response is almost one of sadness.

"I don't know..."

She answers quietly and he decides not to push. He can tell something is boiling beneath the surface of her answer but it doesn't feel like the right time to investigate further.

He suddenly feels her hand grip his forearm,

"Castle..."

She looks at him for the first time all day, her usual vibrant eyes are withdrawn. The worry lines that melted away while she was asleep last night are back and deeper than ever.

"Yea?"

He shifts his weight so he's facing her. He feels a familiar nervousness creep into his throat. He feels like they've had these almost moments so many times he's lost count. But this time feels different.

"I want to tell you something but, I need you to just let me say it and please don't freak out and start talking OK?"

He nods silently, wondering if this is where their story will begin. All those years from now they will look back at this bench and think about this very moment.

"My PTSD isn't back...that's not why I'm acting like this..."

He's already biting his tongue to keep himself from speaking. He can't help but think of what she's about to say. That she loves him, that she wants to be with him. Maybe that she's confused but hopeful? Nothing she says can be bad. He's been preparing for this moment for years.

A small smirk escapes his lips but he can't help himself.

"I'm serious Castle...I need you to just stay quiet..."

He's not exactly sure why he's promising to remain totally silent to her declaration but at this moment in time, he really doesn't care so he agrees once again.

"I promise...you can say whatever you want and I will just sit here..."

She nods, inhaling several times, as if she's working up the courage.

He doesn't allow his eyes to peel off of her for even one second, he wants to remember her every move in this moment. It'll be fun to recall to her when they are old and grey.

"I'm pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

The words fly out of her mouth before she can think about stopping them and she holds her breath waiting on his reaction. She watches the smile fade from his face as he stares blankly at her, confusion slowly filling his eyes.

She's surprised at herself for mustering up the courage to tell him but something about the quiet moment between them felt safe.

Castle rubs his face with his hands and she's a little worried he's going to pass out judging by how pale his skin just turned. She really never planned the moment from this point on so she isn't sure what to say.

"Are you ok?"

He nods and sighs loudly, stress immediately evident throughout him when just a few seconds ago, he was carefree and smiling.

He speaks quietly, testing the waters.

"So...since I'm sworn to silence...what am I allowed to say?"

His voice is a little curt, almost snarky.

"Castle..I just can't deal with THIS and US at the same time. It's a lot to process."

"Even though US is what got us into THIS situation?"

He quickly bounces the words right back to her, clearly bothered by her approach.

"I haven't even made a decision yet Castle. I just found out...I'm a little overwhelmed to say the least."

He looks slightly surprised, adjusting his position so he's almost completely sideways on the bench, staring at her.

"Decision? As in..you don't want the baby?"

The look on his face is enough to cause a lump to rise in her throat. She feels the familiar rush of heat to her face, her eyes filling with tears.

"We didn't ask for this Castle...it was just one night and now..."

Before she can finish he stands quickly from the bench, running his hands through his hair and almost pulling at it in anger.

"Just one night? It's been 4 years Kate!..."

Late at night she would play this conversation over in her head, the one where they would declare their love for one another and finally succumb to being together. But it never involved yelling or Castle pulling his hair out.

"Castle we talked about this. This wall...my mother's case..."

He huffs, chewing his lip and staring at his feet.

"But a baby is so much bigger than all of that...and you won't be doing it alone, you have me.."

He sits back down beside her, closer this time, his hand resting on her knee. His eyes are almost pleading with her.

She wants to believe him but the fiercely stubborn side of her won't let go of the nagging feeling that she needs more time.

"I just need time Rick..."

He moves his hand along side her face, fingers woven in her pulled back hair at the base of her neck. His grip is strong on the delicate skin which makes her nerves stand on end.

His face is inches from hers and she locks into his blue eyes, they are heavy and brooding but have the same familiar tenderness she's so used to seeing.

His smell is intoxicating, exactly as she remembers it and over and over in her head she pleads with herself not to lose control. Not now.

"I will wait..."

His words are barely audible, nothing more than the faintest whisper and his lips find the tip of her nose, kissing it delicately.

And that moment is enough for now.

* * *

><p>Pregnant. A baby. His baby.<p>

It's been over 3 days since Kate told him and every so often the thoughts still slam into his head like a ton of bricks.

He's an even mix of shocked and excited. He wants this baby and he's told her so, multiple times but it's a delicate dance between letting her know he's not going anywhere and smothering her.

With her on reluctant desk duty at the precinct, it's given him time to catch up on his writing but it also means he doesn't get to see her like usual.

The hardest part has been keeping the news from his mother and Alexis. They've both questioned him repeatedly about his strange attitude but he's brushed them off, wanting to avoid any announcements until he knows for sure what Kate plans to do.

He checks in with random phone calls and text messages but her responses are spotty. Usually she's quiet and curt, saying she's fine.

After practically begging and what he suspects was a bad day at work, she finally agrees to meet him at the Old Haunt so they can talk face to face.

He hasn't been nervous to see Kate Beckett in years but today his palms are sweating and he has familiar butterflies in his stomach as he sees her approaching.

She takes his breath away. Her hair falling in slight waves with slim black pants that fit like a glove and a tight purple sweater that shows no sign of a baby.

He shakes the thoughts of how soft her skin felt that night, the jagged scar on the side of her body the only blemish, but somehow it was still perfect.

"Hey Castle..."

She interrupts the replay in his head and sits down opposite of him. The bar is quiet, only a few regulars holding down the fort.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Like I'm a on cruise ship."

She smiles slightly and he can't help but laugh. It feels good to see glimpses of his usual Kate.

"How is Gates handling this desk duty thing?"

"Not well. She demanded to know the reason and said if I'm not back on regular duty next week she'll have to put me on disability, can't afford to lose a man on the street..."

He hates Gates for giving her a hard time. Montgomery would have been their biggest supporter.

"How are you handling desk duty?"

She grins at his playful question.

"Not well...especially without my partner around to entertain me."

She flashes him a smile and he's relieved to see she misses him. He can't imagine once the baby..if the baby is born...they would be able to work together any longer.

"So..have you made any decisions?"

He figures there is no point in tiptoeing around the obvious elephant in the room. It's the only thing on his mind. She shifts uncomfortably at the question and leans back in the chair, looking tired.

"Castle how are we going to make this work? Who is going to watch the baby at 3am when I get a call? What about when you go off on your book tours for months at a time? Or..what if something happens to me..."

Her voice fades off at the end of the statement. He never thought about the fear she must carry that her child would suffer the same fate that she did.

"If you get a call, I can stay home with the baby. And I don't need to do book tours, I'll just tell my publisher no...and Kate, nothing is going to happen to you..."

She shakes her head almost immediately.

"No, you don't get to promise that. I'm a cop Rick. I'm in dangerous situations every single day. What if this kid is 12 years old and one day I don't come home from work. Or...what if...whoever stood in that cemetery and aimed a gun at me comes back...for this baby..."

Her voice cracks at the statement and he watches tears well up in her eyes but she brushes them away quickly so he doesn't see them roll down her cheeks.

"There's so many what-if's that we could pick apart and panic about...but I could walk out that door and be hit by a bus the same as you could not return from work 12 years from now..."

He knows that isn't true and she knows it isn't either but he doesn't have the words to comfort her. To calm her fears. Because they are his fears too. Ever since the shooting he's lived every day holding his breath that something else would happen to her before they had a chance to be together.

"I love my job...I don't want to quit...and I don't want you to quit writing..."

"You don't have to quit...and I will never stop writing..."

She nods and he can see the wheels turning in her head. He's hopeful the glimmer in her eye is a positive sign.

"And I want to go slow...we can't jump into bed...I need to get my mind wrapped around this thing OK?"

He isn't exactly sure what he's agreeing to but the fact that Kate is sitting across from him, openly discussing her fears and concerns is the most progress they've made in years so he'll take it.

"Ok..no bed..got it...how about the floor?"

She laughs immediately and shoots him her famous eye roll. He could drink up these moments, the familiar ones with her. Him joking around and her relishing in it, pretending to be annoyed. This is their element.

"So, does this mean we're having a baby?"

He's almost positive he detects a smile on her face before she shrugs with a bite of the lip.

"Guess so."

He exhales in relief. Feeling like they dodged the first bullet.

"Now walk me home? I haven't slept in days and I'm about to crash on this table."

He jumps up quickly and offers her an arm.

As they stroll out, he realizes there might be a little pep in his step but he can't help it, Kate Beckett is having his baby.


	6. Chapter 6

"So I need to tell Alexis and my mother and I'd like you to be there..."

Castle leans against the elevator wall, her arm still linked with his from the walk back to her loft.

"Oh, um...is that a good idea? Maybe they will feel more comfortable if it's just you guys?"

She likes Alexis and Martha, they always make her feel welcome but they aren't exactly close and she has no idea how they will take the news that she is having his baby. Especially Alexis. Even though she is heading off to college, this will still impact her life and her relationship with Castle.

"You think?...They might want to hear from you too?"

This is just the tip of the iceberg of all the decisions they will need to make together over the next 8 months. It starts an entirely new dimension to their relationship.

"I don't know Castle, I'm not really sure what the protocol is for something like this? I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and Alexis might have a lot of questions."

He nods silently, clearly taking in her opinion.

"What about your dad? I want to be there when you tell him. If it were Alexis, I'd want to hear from the guy...that he had the right intentions..."

Her dad. She had considered calling him several times but decided she needs to tell him in person. She knew he would be nothing but supportive, it was just his nature but the thought of disappointing him in the slightest makes her cringe.

"This weekend then?"

She figures they might as well get it over with.

She's tired, more so than usual after a long day and her head is pounding. Castle's hand rests on her lower back as he guides her out of the elevator and into her apartment.

She kicks off her tall heels, making a silent note to dig out more flat shoes from the back of her closet. She'll definitely need them in a few months.

"Did you eat dinner yet? I can make us something?"

Us. He says it so naturally that it causes her stomach to flip, a smile curl on her lips. She loves the way it sounds, Us.

"No but I'm not that hungry, you can make something for yourself if you want..."

He's already in the kitchen, opening her cabinet doors and checking out ingredients, which are few and far between.

"Well you have to eat, I can call and order something...what sounds good?"

His face looks so much more relaxed than the last time she saw him on the park bench. His hair is windblown, falling onto his forehead.

He's not a conventional handsome. Not like Josh. But he's so much more, his bright eyes and tender smile, the soft wrinkles etched into his face from squinting at his laptop for so many years.

She gets lost in studying him, his thick forearms, strong hands, the way he licks his bottom lip when he's concentrating on the take out menus scattered on her counter.

He lets out a little sigh as he moves from one menu to the next, shifting his weight and running his hand on the back of neck.

She can't peel her eyes away from him.

She pictures him mixing baby bottles, burp rag over his shoulder, tired from a sleepness night with a newborn and he'll still glance up and grin at her, like he is right now.

The grin that lets her know he's hopelessly devoted to her in every way possible.

He walks out from behind the kitchen counter and places himself in front of her. She doesn't have the strength to force herself to walk away this time.

Without a word he wraps his arms around her in the tightest hug she can remember and instantly, she feels herself melt into his chest.

She's needed this hug for days, the way his lips press into her hair, inhaling her scent.

"We're going to be OK Kate, I promise."

He whispers softly against her ear, his hands moving along her shoulders and back.

She feels all the emotion she's pent up for the past week release with quiet sobs into his shoulder, her hands gripping his shirt fiercely, not allowing him to pull away from her.

"It's OK...I'm not going anywhere."

He soothes her with soft words, fingers running into her hair and down her back.

He steps back from her, his hands finding her face and he frames them, wiping her tears with his thumbs.

Before she can think about it, she rises up on her toes to find his mouth with her own, pressing it gently against his familiar lips. He responds immediately, parting her lips with his tongue and biting against her lower lip.

She immediately presses her hips flush against his and it causes him to moan slightly, his hands finding her waist and holding her against him, moving slowly against her.

She can't stop the running commentary in her head that this is a bad idea. This will only muddle the situation but in this moment she's never needed him more. She needs him to quiet her mind.

He mimics her thoughts as he pulls his mouth from hers.

"Kate we shouldn't...What happened to going slow?"

She doesn't have an answer so she ignores him and her lips continue to find their way across his strong jaw bone, down his neck, to the tender spot she remembers from before, where his collarbone meets.

He inhales sharply as she bites and her hands are fumbling with the belt of his jeans.

Whatever reservations he has disappear quickly because he's pulling her shirt over her head and unclasping her black bra in one swift move.

His smell is enough to send her over the edge without further action. It's a perfect mix of soap and musk and she's so familiar with it. The way it lingers on her clothes after a long day working a case.

His hands trace up her torso, grazing over her bare breasts, causing her to moan against his mouth.

She tugs his bottom lip with her teeth, letting him know that she wants more.

It's obvious neither of them are feeling particularly gentle this evening, even though Kate isn't sure if this is exactly safe.

She doesn't know if it's the stress release or hormones but she can tell she doesn't have much restraint left in her. One more touch or bite and she'll collapse onto the floor.

"Castle. Bed. Now."

She's breathless already, barely able to speak her commands.

He nods against her mouth, walking her the few steps backwards to her bed. She works him out of his jeans along the way, pulling his boxers off with the pants.

She tugs on her own jeans, wiggling out of them as her calves hit the edge of the bed and he spills backwards with her.

Her internal clock is ticking, she can already feel waves of intensity surging through her and she's pretty sure she won't make it much longer.

"I need you.."

She whispers in his ear, throaty, desperate.

She's biting so hard against his bottom lip that he winces, pushing her teeth off with his tongue. She is digging her hands into his back, practically begging for him to lower himself to her.

She rises up with her hips and feels him ready, he moans as she makes contact.

But he doesn't answer her plea. Instead his lips concentrate on her neck, her delicate collarbone, pausing as they mark their their way down her chest to her scar.

She physically can't handle the teasing any longer and she releases a hand from his shoulder and grasps him gently causing him to exhale with a moan.

"NOW Castle..."

She guides him to her and he doesn't resist this time. He knows she is serious, needing him.

With a single thrust she cries out, feeling her senses explode behind her sealed eyes, digging her nails deep into his shoulders.

"Don't stop..."

She holds back the tears brimming over her eyes, begging him, pleading with him to continue to clear her mind.

* * *

><p>She doesn't know how long she slept for because it's the first time she's closed her eyes in 5 days. When she wakes up, her naked body is half thrown over his, his hand protectively on her thigh, fingers dangerously close to her.<p>

He looks to be dead asleep, breathing heavily. She doesn't even remember how late they lasted but everytime he tried to stop she made him keep going, harder each time.

She can feel the after effects, her hips are sore and she feels tender bruises dotting her neckline.

Her hands linger down her body until they rest on her stomach. She feels an obvious curve that wasn't there before. The websites said it was probably just bloating but she wasn't used to feeling anything but flat abs so she lingered over it, resolving herself to the fact that it really is a miracle.

The quiet morning is a perfect recipe for her thoughts running wild.

But this time she's picturing a baby monitor beside the bed and Castle sleepily reaching for it as a whimper sounds. Or their morning routine of trading the baby back and forth for feeding and diaper changes and endless cuddles while they each try and get ready.

She would come home from a long day at the precinct and instead of an empty apartment, it would be filled with love. Warmth. Tiny feet running to greet her. Castle scooping both of them into his arms, smothering them in kisses.

It all seemed so easy now that he was beside her. When she laid here alone the thoughts terrified her, all the unknowns, how she would juggle work and raising a kid. She pictured herself missing the spelling bees and basketball games because of another dead body.

But now. If she just accepts him as her partner...in life. They could do it together.

She's half tempted to wake him up but he looks so peaceful. Her hand lingers over to his hair, brushing it from his forehead. He sighs, snuggling closer to her.

She moans as a sharp pain surges through her hip. Wow, he really did a number on her last night.

She's pretty sure she remembers at one point, them both standing up in bed, her against the wall and her leg pulled high around his waist.

She smiles to herself, noticing the red scratch marks covering his shoulders. She traces them carefully, feeling guilty for being so rough when he didn't ask for it.

Her breath catches as she experiences another sharp stabbing sensation and she clamps her hand down on Castle's shoulder, jolting him awake. This time the pain is obvious, much more severe, spreading across her lower abdomen.

"Hmm...good morning..."

He moans and rolls to her, eyes hazily opening and grinning. He must see the sheer look of terror on her face bc he sits up quickly, his hands rushing to her face.

"Kate what's wrong? Are you ok?"

She sits still, wondering if she just overreacted to a gas pain or muscle cramp but before she can brush him off as fine, another pain hits her side and she winces, tears forming immediately in her eyes.

"Something is wrong."


	7. Chapter 7

The rush to the hospital was frantic. Castle was up and out of bed, with clothes on both of them in less than 5 minutes. He practically carried her into the elevator and cab, she doesn't remember her feet touching the ground.

All she can think is this is her fault. She begged him to be rough with her, to make her forget. And this is the consequence.

Castle called Lennox Hill hospital from the cab, name dropping himself twice to assure they don't have to wait and the minute they exit the cab a wheelchair is waiting to rush her into an exam room.

"Kate, you're going to be fine, I'm right here."

She can't remember if she's said a single word since the loft. It all seems so hectic.

The last time she was in a hospital was the shooting and just the smell of the place sends her stomach reeling and her scar burns in her chest.

The walls are a blur of white as the wheelchair speeds down a back hallway. Castle is practically jogging to keep up with her and her hands are firmly grasped on her aching stomach.

"I want a good doctor...not some medical school kid!"

Castle instructs the nurse pushing the wheelchair as they roll into an exam room.

"We've called the Chief of Obstetrics Mr. Castle, he'll be here in just a second. He's very good."

The nurse moves Kate to an exam table and begins poking and prodding her. She can barely look at her or Castle, she's too busy listening to her heart beat loudly through her chest, feeling the sting of guilt in her stomach for spending so much time wishing she wasn't pregnant.

Castle positions himself directly next to her, his hand running over her forehead and hair.

"We'll be fine Kate...the doctor will be here in a minute..."

She's pretty sure he's just talking to comfort himself but she is immediately calmed by his close presence. She wishes they were still in bed, sleepily curled together, Castle's fingers tracing the lines of her body.

But she's reminded of her reality as the door swings open and a doctor briskly walks in, shaking hands with Castle and resting a sympathetic hand on her knee.

"I'm Dr. Donovan, Chief of Obstetrics here at Lennox Hill...Mrs. Castle...can you tell me what happened..."

The shock of hearing the name startles her, Mrs. Castle.

She stares at the doctor, unsure of where to start. With the unexpected pregnancy? The positive test? The confusion of the past week? The mind blowing sex from last night?

"Um, she woke up and said she was cramping. In her side. She's 5 weeks pregnant."

Castle jumps in on the silence and speaks for her.

The doctor feels her stomach, pressing gently and she feels the familiar stabbing pain, whincing.

"Did you do anything unusual yesterday? Eat anything strange?"

She practically feels her face light on fire with embarrassment.

"We had sex."

She answers quickly, avoiding Castle's eye contact.

"A lot of sex."

Castle jumps in at the end of her sentence and shrugs to her.

"He's a doctor Kate..."

He whispers to her and flashes her a forced smile but she can see the worry straining across his face.

"Ok well let's do an ultrasound and see what's going on. I also want to run some blood work. I'll be right back."

As he leaves, Castle runs his hand over her face, down her cheek. She must be crying because she can feel him wipe away tears.

"This is all my fault."

She speaks quietly, her voice shaking through the tears. Castle shakes his head furiously.

"KATE! This is NOT your fault. And we don't even know if anything is wrong!"

She didn't know any pregnant people but she didn't think this type of thing was normal, so early in pregnancy.

"He seems good right?..Meredith delivered here but even back then they were the best hospital for this type of thing..."

Castle was nervously chattering away but she didn't really feel like speaking. All she could think is if she miscarried she would feel so empty.

The curved stomach would be gone. Castle would eventually leave her bed, once he saw how broken she was and she'd be back to the beginning. Alone

They waited for what felt like hours, Castle even storming into the hallway at one point to figure out what was the hold up.

Finally Dr. Donovan wheeled in an ultrasound machine and placed her legs in stirrups. No one tells you that 6 weeks into a pregnancy the stomach ultrasounds don't work yet. Movies are so misleading.

She isn't even uncomfortable as they remove her pants and cover her with a gown. Castle has seen it all already.

The room is heavy and quiet. She can tell the doctor isn't exactly positive, the way he avoids eye contact with them both and hasn't once said, "It's going to be OK".

The screen is turned away from both of them and Castle has tight grip of her hand, she can feel his pulse pounding against her. His hand rests in her hair, brushing it back repeatedly as a comfort mechanism.

"What do you see? Can you see anything?"

Castle is impatient but Kate is just quiet.

The doctor stares at the screen awhile longer and flips it around to face them. It's a black and white sonar image, a small black circle is protruding from the edge of the screen.

The doctor circles it and smiles.

"There's your baby...everything looks fine. You have a cyst on your left ovary, which explains the pain and it's fairly common early in pregnancy. It can cause the cramping you described, even some bleeding. We'll make sure your OB monitors it but they usually disappear down the road. We'll wait to get back your HCG levels to make sure they are OK but, I think you're all clear."

Castle exhales with relief and Kate can feel him smile against her head. She doesn't know what she feels. She just can't stop staring at the little circle.

How can someone feel such a connection to a blob of cells.

"So..is it safe to have...sex?"

Of course Castle would ask that. Such a guy.

"It's perfectly safe and it's not related to this incident. It would have happened regardless. I'd like you on bed rest for the weekend but after that, as long as you feel up to it, you can have sex. "

She thinks Castle lets out a sigh of relief but she barely hears the response, she's still looking at the image on the screen. She swears she can make out a little head and butt.

"Can you print that? Can we get copies?"

She wants to have a copy to put in her wallet so she can study it over and over again, maybe once Gates knows she'll put it on her desk. She smiles at the idea of herself falling this fast and hard for someone she doesn't even know yet.

"Sure. We'll print off copies for you! It'll be good to have for the scrapbook right?"

Kate nods and for the first time, sighs in relief. She has no explanation for how she could have mourned for something she didn't even know she wanted but in this moment she's never felt so relieved to hear that tiny circle is perfectly healthy.

She reaches for Castles hand, squeezing it and not even attempting to stop the tears rolling down her cheeks. At this point, she's used to the constant crying.

"That's our baby...do you see that?"

Castle grins, pressing his lips to hers gently.

"It's pretty cute huh? I think it has my eyes."

Kate laughs, melting into the moment. Never feeling so confident that she's making the right decision.

* * *

><p>He's surprised that Kate doesn't even argue when he says he's taking her home, to his loft. If she's going to be on bed rest for the weekend he's going to be the one looking after her.<p>

He's exhausted and is hoping the loft is empty when they get back. He has no energy for the conversation with Alexis and Martha that needs to happen. He just needs a few hours of sleep first, he can barely hold his eyes open during the cab ride home.

Kate is leaning all of her weight against him, her head resting on his shoulder, his hand on her thigh. He glances down and smiles at the black and white ultrasound photo clenched in her hand.

Their baby.

He saw the spark in Kate's eyes when she looked at the screen. It was like her wall was practically blasted to bits in that moment.

"I need things from my apartment Castle..."

She murmurs, breathing heavier which leads him to believe her eyes are probably closed and she's drifting into sleep.

"I'll go get stuff later..."

He presses his lips to her forehead, relieved she's beside him, leaning on him, literally and figuratively.

Even after working days long murder cases he's never seen Kate this tired. He supports most of her weight as they walk into his building and take the elevator, she's nestled closely into his shoulder.

He suspects it's as much emotional exhaustion as it is physical.

His hope for a quiet few hours is granted when he finds a note on the table from Alexis, saying her and mother are shopping for the day and will be home later for dinner.

"What are you going to tell them Castle?"

Kate is leaning against the couch, her hair is messy and in her face, dark circles framing her eyes.

"Well, I'm going to tell them the truth. And I'm going to ask them to babysit."

He manages to work a small grin out of her with the last line. He steps into her space, legs straddling hers, pushing the hair off her face and pulling her chin up so she's looking at him.

"They just want me to be happy and you make me happy. This makes me happy."

He presses his lips softly to hers not initiating anything, just letting her know he's there. She responds slightly, her hands reaching behind him and pulling his body closer to hers.

"Can we sleep?"

Her words are music to his ears.

He guides her to his bedroom, peeling off her coat as they go and unbuttoning his own shirt. He digs out boxers and a t-shirt for her to change into, she's swimming in them with her thin frame but still manages to look amazing.

It takes less than 5 minutes for them to crawl into bed, pulling the comforter close to them, her body curled tightly against his, fingers rolling over his arms.

"I was so scared..."

She whispers to him, her eyes almost closed with sleep.

"I know...I was too...but it's all OK now..."

She nods, lightly kissing his hand and wrapping his arm around her body.

He makes sure she falls asleep before he lets himself go. The last thing he remembers before drifting away is the feel of her breath against his skin and the soft sound of her sighs.

The first thing he remembers when waking up is Alexis standing over him, blue eyes wide as saucers, staring them both down.

"Dad, what is this?"

He can barely make out the ultrasound photo gripped in her hand through his sleep filled eyes.  
>_<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for your kind feedback and patience...I've been out of town! Enjoy! :)**

He blinks several times, allowing himself to wake up fully. He can feel Kate's heavy breathing next to him and he glances to make sure she's still asleep.

"Dad?"

Alexis hasn't moved, the ultrasound still held in the air facing him. Her face looks confused and she keeps glancing at Kate in the bed next to him.

"Ok I'm up, I'm up...let's go into the living room..."

He whispers softly, gently rolling himself from the bed and leaving Kate behind to sleep. She needs her rest.

He shakes himself alert and grabs his dress shirt from the chair, slipping it on as he leads Alexis to the living room.

Martha is waiting for them and wraps her arm around Alexis. They both look at him like he's grown a third head.

"Is Kate OK darling?"

His mother whispers as he shuts the door. He notices a pile of shopping bags gathered near the front door but now isn't the time to ask how much damage they ust did on his American Express.

"She's fine...but obviously we need to talk..."

He sits down on the couch but Alexis and his mother sit further from him on the opposite end. He feels like he betrayed them even though he's not sure that's the case.

"Dad, is Detective Beckett pregnant?"

He takes a deep breath and nods.

"She is...and I wanted to tell you both earlier but she needed some time to make a decision."

Martha gasps, clapping her hands together and jumping up quickly. She throws her arms around his shoulders in dramatic fashion.

"Oh Richard! Why didn't you tell me you finally told her how you feel!"

He forces a smile, sensing how awkward this conversation might end up being. He glances to Alexis and notices she's firmly planted on the couch, without a smile on her face.

"So, you're the father?"

Maybe he should have googled how to broach this subject with his teenage daughter.

"I am...I know this is a shock but you both know how much I love her..."

Alexis sighs, tossing the photo onto the coffee table.

"Yea Dad, we all know, you've been in love with her for years and what has she done for you? Ignored you after you saved her life? Avoided any discussions of real feelings? She's just strung you along this entire time and now she's having your baby?"

Her voice is thick with emotion, almost verging on tears. He hates seeing her so emotional and frustrated with him. It's rare that they fight so it's uncharted territory for them.

"Alexis that's not how it is. You know that because of her mother's case she has...things to work on."

Martha moves from Richard's side back to Alexis, wrapping her arm around her shoulder, comforting the girl.

"Darling, this is a complicated situation and it's hard to understand but your father loves Kate very much..."

Alexis shakes off her comforting grip and stands up, pacing the living room floor.

"It's really not that complicated, you're both just pretending it is as some excuse for her behavior. I like Detective Beckett but I also know that when you love someone, like really love them, you just tell them how you feel no matter what the consequences!"

Castle has to admit that her logic stings a bit. It's the exact thoughts he's mulled over for years on his own. The fact that her 18 year old brain can infer the same thing is a little disturbing.

"Alexis nothing is going to change between us, we will still do all the crazy things we did before. Who else am I going to joust with in the living room? Or have microwave Peep battles with on Easter? We know she's not going to do it..."

He nods over to his mother but Alexis doesn't even crack a smile.

"This isn't about our relationship changing, I know you'll always be my dad...I just don't want to see you get hurt by her."

He stands up and nods, validating her concerns. She has every right to be protective of him, she's watched him be disappointed by every relationship he's attempted and while he hasn't been an innocent victim in most of them, she's still witnessed the aftermath.

Before he can respond he hears a quiet voice from behind him jump in.

"I can't promise that I won't hurt him Alexis."

Kate is standing in the doorway of the bedroom, she looks tired, her hair pulled back from her face and in his clothes, she doesn't have the same authoritative presence that he's used to seeing.

She walks into the room and Castle meets her half way, grabbing her arm but she shrugs him off. He can tell by the way she's grimacing, she's probably still in pain even though she'd never let anyone know it.

"Detective Beckett I just meant..."

Alexis back pedals slightly but Kate shakes her head.

"You have every right to be concerned Alexis. You're right. I haven't been the most forthcoming with your dad about my feelings, or his. And I can't promise that I won't make mistakes along the way. But that's why I've asked to take things slowly...this is a big shock for everyone and I want to make sure no one is rushing into anything..."

Kate positions herself in front of Alexis and Castle is so grateful for her natural kindness, her compassion. The way she connects with people immediately and listens to their concerns. It's almost ironic seeing as how stunted she is emotionally but it's one of his favorite qualities about her.

Alexis and Kate aren't exactly close. Other than a few casual encounters and conversations, they've spent little time getting to know one another on a personal level.

"I didn't mean to be rude...I just want the best for my dad..."

"Of course you do and I do too. I don't know if I'll ever be as emotional as your dad but that's something I love about him..."

Love. She uses the word so casually, like it's just something she says every day.

"Do you love him?"

Castle sucks in his breath as Alexis asks the question and he's tempted to jump in and rescue Kate from being put on the spot but Kate nods almost immediately, answering with confidence.

"Always."

* * *

><p>Kate wakes up to fingertips tracing circles on her bare stomach. She can't peel her eyes open yet, the feeling is too good so she relishes in it, her nerve endings on heightened alert. She's waiting for the familiar wave of nausea to wash over her but so far, so good.<p>

"I can see you smiling.."

He whispers to her softly, his voice close to her ear. She widens her smile and wonders how long she's been asleep.

She didn't hear her alarm but she feels surprisingly rested. It probably helps she just spent an entire weekend sleeping for the first time in recent history.

Castle has been by her side for days and she's surprised at herself because instead of feeling overwhelmed or panicked, she misses him when he's out of the room. She craves moments like these, lying close to his body, feeling his soft touches.

Sometimes in the middle of the night she'll feel him wrap his arm around her and pull her closer, letting out as a sigh as he settles his body next to hers.

"What time is it?"

She breaks through her sleepiness and cracks open her eyes, noticing the sunlight is barely visible.

"6am...We have to meet the guys and Lanie at 7..."

He's still tracing her skin with his fingers, getting lower on her stomach, which makes it hard for her to concentrate.

They decided to tell Espo, Ryan and Lanie first thing this morning so that she could tell Gates sooner than later. She figures she won't be able to hide her morning sickness for another week.

"Do you think they will be mad?"

She tries to distract herself from his adorable morning grin and wandering fingers.

"Mad? Why would they be mad?"

She isn't sure but she has a weird feeling about telling them. Like they will feel neglected now that her and Castle...have a thing.

"They are going to be relieved that they don't have to watch us avoid the inevitable for any longer..."

He replaces his fingers with his mouth, kissing her stomach softly, moving his lips across her slightly curved skin.

"Castle there's no inevitable...we are having a baby, we aren't getting married..."

Her breath catches at both "having a baby" and "getting married". Two phrases she didn't expect to be utterly so soon into their newly found relationship.

He doesn't take her bait, just murmurs against her skin, only causing her to become more unhinged, his tongue tracing the line of her hip bone.

He locks his eyes with hers but keeps his mouth moving southward, his hands framing her waist, she tries to hang on to the last shred of sanity she has left but the minute he pulls down her minimal lace panties and nudges her legs apart with his elbows, she's gone, closing her eyes and slamming her head against the pillow with his first tease.

"Castle no...we have to shower..."

She can barely moan out the words but instead of responding, he flicks his tongue faster, her nails driving into his shoulders.

His tongue moves in a series of slow and fast circles, teasing her by moving outward to her inner thigh and then parting her again, causing her to practically scream in pleasure.

As he picks up momentum, she naturally pulls her hips upward and he begins to push his tongue harder against her. Flattened against her swollen center, dipping in and out of her with the tip of his tongue.

God he's good. Usually they never know what to do but Castle...he knows exactly what she wants.

She's never felt so turned on before, like she has no self control and could explode any minute. She wants him to go harder and faster than he possibly could, she rocks her hips against his tongue, digging her heels into his legs to generate movement.

As he moans against her, the vibration shoots through her body and she pushes his face away quickly, completely overwhelmed by the sensation.

He looks half startled but before he can say anything, she pulls him upward and pushes his shoulders so his back is now pinned against the bed and she's straddling his waist.

She rips off his boxer briefs in one movement and he's already ready, clearly turned on from tasting her, feeling her respond to him.

She has no patience for foreplay, she feels mildly guilty for taking control but she feels borderline primal, wanting him so badly it almost hurts.

She lowers herself to him almost immediately and begins rocking her hips, completely oblivious to his reaction, just feeling herself move harder and faster, her palms pressing him to the bed by his chest, using his weight for leverage.

She feels sweat roll down her back and she moans loudly as Castle grabs her thighs, holding her against him, pushing himself deeper.

One final thrust leaves her completely senseless, screaming his name loudly and clenching her eyes as a force of pleasure rips through her.

She immediately collapses onto his chest, breathless. They lay in that position for minutes, he's still inside her, his hand protectively on her thigh.

She shifts slowly, causing them both to moan from the tender sensation.

"Holy shit Kate...what was that?"

He is still panting, sounding half stunned from their encounter. She figures it must be the hormones. There's no other explanation for the savage, raw encounter.

"I'm not complaining but I can't feel my body..."

He groans to her, pressing his lips against her forehead. She pushes her body up, ignited again by the feeling of him inside her, moving slowly against him.

Her lips find his mouth and she pushes his lips open with her tongue.

"Do we have time to go again?"

She moans the only thought that is still in her head between pulling at his lip with her teeth.

"I think I'm going to enjoy pregnant Kate Beckett..."

She silences his words with a hard thrust of her hips and a bite of his shoulder, as he rolls them over with a load moan.

Breakfast can wait.  
>_<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

_Pick you up at 6pm! Take your vitamin!_

The note on her desk is propped against a glass of water with her prenatal vitamin beside it. A sleeve of saltines and can of seltzer are also there. Evidence of him rushing out while she was in the box interrogating a suspect.

He is behind on his latest deadline, thanks to what's been a stressful few weeks and an admittedly demanding Kate Beckett.

She has been all over the map the last few weeks. Crying, hyper-sexual, mad at him one minute and calling him to come over in the middle of the night the next. She can't even help herself. Even when she tries to be calm and rational, it ends up backfiring.

She even called her OB to make sure it was normal and unfortunately their best advice was it gets better in a few weeks after she enters the second trimester.

"Hey girl! Where's your boy?"

Lanie swings around her desk and plops herself into Castle's usual spot.

"Oh he's home writing, he's on deadline...and I think he probably could use a break from me."

She smiles sheepishly at her friend, who as a doctor should understand her mood swings.

"That bad huh? Well you look great, it's true what they say, you're literally glowing!"

She feels herself blush and has to admit Lanie is right. She's noticed a change in her body, for the better, over the past several weeks and has secretly admired her blossoming curves in the mirror, thinking pregnancy suits her.

"Thanks...But emotionally I'm a wreck. Last night I threw the remote at Castle...and it hit him."

Lanie tries to choke in her laugh.

"Well knowing him, he probably deserved it!...So what's with you two? Is this like official now?"

She shrugs, not even sure of the answer herself.

"I don't know...I keep saying I want to take it slow because it's just a lot happening at once but we practically spend every night together..tonight we're both going to dinner with my dad to tell him...Castle has been beyond supportive..."

Lanie's eyes are wide as saucers, devouring the girl talk.

"Well, I'd say that's pretty official sounding. Do I need to buy a bridesmaid dress?"

Her chest tightens with just the suggestion but the idea of being away from Castle, even for a night, is a worse pain than dealing with her own insecurities about commitment.

"I don't know, originally I told him not bring up that stuff but now, I kind of want him to."

She's surprised to hear herself admit that but at night when she's awake with heartburn or insomnia, she watches him sleep and can't imagine rolling over and finding her bed without him.

"You're having his baby Kate Beckett, I think you can talk to him about your future!"

She nods, mentally telling herself she'll bring it up soon.

"How do you think Daddy Beckett is going to take the news?"

She's almost ashamed she hasn't told him yet.

They told Lanie and the boys a few weeks ago and Gates last week, who surprisingly took the news better than they were expecting. Castle was only banned from the precinct for an afternoon until she admitted he was helpful and Beckett wasn't nearly as good without him.

Part of the reason she's avoided calling her dad is because she'll have to face the pain of her mom not being there to share in their news.

"I can't imagine he'll be anything but excited. He's been pushing for me and Castle to happen for years now."

"Well you and your perfect life are dragging me down girl...I need to go flirt with Javi, that'll give me the energy to get through the day!"

She winks at Kate and bounces off, in search for Espo in the break room.

She feels a tinge of jealousy at the innocence of their situation. Just flirtatious banter, romantic touches. It used to be her and Castle and now they are talking baby cribs and daycare.

But as quickly as her life changed, the day drags just as slowly.

Castle must not be getting much writing done because at least every 30 minutes she gets a new text message or picture, she makes a note to strangle him tonight for the one he sent of his freshly showered body, knowing how she's turned on at the drop of a hat these days.

"It's the professor, in the study, with the pipe!"

She hears his familiar voice break her train of thought as she chews on the dry erase marker, staring at a stagnant murder board.

"He was a truck driver Castle, not a professor..."

He flashes her a smile and plants a quick kiss on her temple before anyone can see him.

"Well truck guy has to wait because we have a reservation and I don't want to be late meeting your dad!"

He's dressed in a sharp suit, dark blue with faint stripes and a white dress shirt. He rarely wears white but it looks so good against his naturally tan skin, his hair perfectly styled.

"New suit?"

The fact he put so much effort into dinner with her father just continues to add points to the endless amount he's accrued in her mental tally.

"Well, I figure the better I look, the less likely he will be to pummel me for knocking up his daughter?"

He offers out her arm and she links her in, waving to the guys and taking a deep breath preparing herself for their next great adventure.

* * *

><p>Castle would never admit it to Kate but he's nervous.<p>

He's always respected Jim Beckett and felt like the man offered him the same courtesy back.

But he can't help but think if the roles were reversed and one of Alexis' boyfriends was admitting to him that they knocked up his daughter, he shudders at his initial response.

Kate's fingers dance lazily over his in the back of the town car as they speed uptown. He didn't want to mess with cabs tonight so he called a driver, an extravagance she felt was unnecessary but eased his mind.

She changed from her earlier outfit of jeans and a blazer into black dress pants and a black loose sweater to hide her barely visible bump.

He's barely noticed a change in her body except for a noticeable curve in her stomach but she looks more beautiful lately than she ever has before. Glowing even.

"Do you want to tell him right away or wait? Maybe we should let him eat first? Will he wonder why you aren't drinking?"

HIs mind is running a mile a minute. She steadies her fingers on his knee and squeezes.

"Castle, deep breath. It's fine. We told Gates..nothing can be worse than that."

He's surprised at her calm nature, which is a rarity these days. He winces when he thinks of the small bump on his forehead from the remote that came hurtling across the room last night after he suggested maybe watching Worlds Scariest Birth Stories was a bad idea for both of them.

"I just don't want him to hate me..."

He whispers the fear, almost embarrassed as a 40 year old man he's so self conscious.

"He's not going to hate you. Or at least not for very long."

She flashes him a grin and nudge, trying to ease the obvious stress in the car that is entirely his doing but he can barely crack a smile.

They finally pull up to the small Italian bistro and suddenly he wishes he picked a larger restaurant. If he gets angry with them, it will be easy to make a scene in such a small room.

"Come on Castle, I'm starving..."

Kate is already out of the car and extending her hand to him.

He hops out and links his fingers with hers and leads her inside. They spot Jim almost immediately at a back candlelit table and he waves with a smile.

"Mr. and Mrs. Castle, welcome to Trattoria Gervasi...your father is right this way..."

Kate grins at him but says nothing, holding his hand tightly and waving to her dad as they walk closer. Rick clears his throat, desperate for a glass of wine.

"Katie!"

Jim wraps her into a big hug and Castle notices her settle into his arms for a second, clearly comforted by her dad's embrace. As they part, he extends a hand to Rick, shaking it vigorously.

"Great to see you Rick...and I'm glad it's under such great circumstances this time!"

Ugh. It's like a punch to the gut. The poor guy thinks he's having dinner with his amazing daughter and her...partner? Friend? Boyfriend? And he's about to crush his soul.

"God Katie you look great...I feel like I haven't seen you in ages..."

They chat lightly about work and the New York sports teams, Jim fills Kate in on extended family news and some information about former neighbors getting a divorce.

Castle can barely focus on the conversation, too nervous about the pending announcement. But Kate seems fine, munching on bread before their meal arrives and politely turning down wine in favor of sparkling water.

"So Rick...what's new with you? I have to admit when Katie said you were joining us tonight I was...a little surprised. Pleasantly so."

He takes a swig of his red wine and forces a smile.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it was a pleasant surprise!"

He catches Kate's eyes and he knows she's about to interrupt. Her hand drifts over to his knee under the table.

"Actually dad, we wanted to tell you something and we're both excited..."

Jim's face perks up and Castle sincerely hopes he doesn't hope they are announcing an engagement or something of the kind, he wants to tell him that he would always ask for his permission no matter how old they both were.

"An announcement huh? Judging by how cozy you two look, I think I might be able to guess.."

Castle tries to be a gentleman, maintaining eye contact. He breaks his fingers from Kate's and places his arm around her chair as a gesture of commitment.

"Well...Dad, we're having a baby.."

Kate practically whispers the news to avoid others hearing.

"Sir I just want you to know that I have the best of intentions when it comes to your daughter. I love her very much..."

He jumps in quickly with his own declaration before the man can respond.

"Wow...a baby? Come here!"

He stands up from the table and wraps her into a gigantic hug, a wide grin spreading across his face.

Castle breathes a sigh of relief at his enthusiasm. Jim offers another handshake to Rick and grins.

"Congratulations son!"

He's almost too OK with this. Castle was expecting a little push back at the least.

"So when do I become a grandpa? How are you feeling?"

He's eager for information, still beaming with pride.

"Um I'm about 10 weeks along so...August...and I'm OK, tired and maybe a little hard to handle?"

She offers up a guilty grin to Castle. Understatement of the century.

"Well Rick I sympathize with you if she's anything like her mother! Johanna cried for 3 straights months over everything. She even made me sleep outside a few nights because she said I was a bed hog! Thank goodness it was a summer pregnancy!"

Kate laughs at the story but he can see a flash of sadness cross her face. It must be so hard for her not to have her mother here during such an important life event. Up until now it's just been small milestones, casual boyfriends, graduating college, but this is the first major life event she'll face without her.

"Well last night I got a remote to the head...and I did end up on the couch a few weeks ago..."

Kate glares at him in embarrassment, squeezing his hand apologetically.

"So Rick tell me about these best intentions you have for my daughter? What kind of father would I be if I didn't ask huh?"

He raises his eyebrow and Castle clears his throat, not really sure of what to offer up.

"Well...eventually, I'd like to...make this permanent..."

He nods at his and Kate's linked hands but treads lightly with his answer, having no idea how Kate will respond. He's barely mentioned moving in together or marriage for fear of catching her in the wrong mood.

"Well are you planning to move in together? Raising a baby between Soho and Tribeca might require a few cab rides!"

Before he can respond, Kate nods quickly.

"Yes. Yes?"

She stares at Rick directly, her eyes almost asking the question of him, searching his face for his reply.

"Yes? You want to move in?"

She smiles and nods, biting her lip in the most adorable way, almost embarrassed at her own eagerness.

If her father wasn't across the table, he'd grab her and kiss her harder than he ever has before.

She confirms her response, furrowing her eye brows in question.

"Yes. I want to move in. If you'll have me?"  
>_<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Authors Note: I know I know, I disappeared. Thanks writers block. But I'm back at it again...I hope. Enjoy!  
>_<p>

She refuses to open her eyes. She can feel him staring at her but she hasn't slept past 6am all week and this is only chance. So she refuses to open her eyes.

"Castle. Go back to sleep."

She murmurs and pulls the covers up closer, settling into the ungodly warmth of his perfect bed. She imagines this entire thing costs more than her yearly salary but she's never been so glad to have a millionaire boyfriend in her life. For the comfort of this bed alone.

"But I'm too excited..."

She squeezes her eyes shut as he whispers close to her, feels his fingers trace between the small area of skin exposed between her boxers and tshirt. An area that has become surprisingly round lately.

She groans. It's an obvious battle she will lose. She always does. But for now she wants to try and hold onto the hope that she can get another hour of sleep.

"What time is it?"

She hears him shift a little but ultimately settle closer to her body, his breath inches away from her arm.

"5:45..."

If she had any energy at all she'd glare at him but she nods silently and hopes he gets the hint.

"It's just...in 3 hours we're going to know if it's a boy or girl...aren't you excited?!"

She immediately opens her eyes to look at him. He's propped up on his arm, facing her, bare chest exposed from the covers. He's grinning like a school kid.

"Wait...we never...you want to find out?"

Why this is just now hitting her, on the day of the appointment, at 5:45am, she has no idea. She's been thinking about it all week but between a double homicide and packing up her old apartment they just never had the conversation.

Castle laughs at her and nods.

"Of course! Who doesn't find out?!"

Her.

"I...I just assumed we would be surprised..."

He raises his eyebrows immediately and she's suddenly very awake. Way more awake than she wants to be when the sun isn't even up yet.

"But...if we know, then we can...buy stuff...and...ya know, name it?"

"I know all those things but when else in our lives will we get to be surprised like this? It seems fun...that big moment at the end. And I read in one of those books that it makes labor easier for women because they have added motivation."

Castle is the biggest kid in the universe. A kid that loves surprises. She just assumed he'd be on board.

"But Kate...if we know...we can bond with the baby...for instance, instead of saying "it"...I can say a name. That's a big help!"

She sits up, yawning and adjusting the tshirt pulled tightly over her expanded stomach and hips.

"We can still come up with baby names...and we can call it "baby" or...a nickname...and we can make the nursery neutral until we find out...did you find out with Alexis?"

He nods and sits up to face her, his hands resting on her thighs.

"Yes!...And it was awesome because I had so much time to talk to her and it's like...I knew my kid before she was born..."

He's making a compelling argument and she admits she's finding it hard to resist finding out when it would be so easy. But who knows if she...they...will have more kids and she really wants to experience that announcement.

"What if you get to be the one to tell me?...I read that you can tell the doctors that we want the father to be the one announcing the sex...so you could announce to everyone in the room!"

Novelty. The fastest way to Castle's heart.

His face lightens a little with the idea. She knows he's thinking about it.

"Fine...if that's what you want..."

She's exhausted and her back aches and she tries to rub the sleep from her face but it isn't working. She doesn't have it in her to argue.

"I don't want to find out Castle...I don't know what else to say?..."

He goes into infamous Castle pout mode, lower lip extended, puppy dog eyes, flops onto his back with his arms crossed and a heavy sigh.

"I'm just saying, we each contributed 50% of IT'S DNA...we should have equal say in something like this!"

She sighs and runs her fingers through his mussy morning hair. He's irresistible when he pouts.

"You're right Castle...a night of drunken sex holds the same weight as carrying around a 10lb bowling ball for 9 months, puking for 3 months in a row, dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions and as of this morning, feeling like my spine is crawling out of my lower back..."

He has no rebuttal to her.. slightly dramatic...monologue but he purses his lips and sets his jaw in frustration.

She leans in closer, brushing the side of his jaw with her lips. She can see the tension ease from his face but he refuses to give in.

"I'm just saying...my vote should count..."

She traces the long curve of his throat with her tongue and feels him swallow slowly against her. She moves her hands down his ridiculously sexy bare chest until they flutter over the tight line of his waistband.

If they are up this early, with at least 2 hours before they need to get ready for the appointment...they might as well make the best of it.

"How about you vote for what we do next..."

She dips her fingers below the waistband and grins against his slightly opened mouth.

If the tongue pressing against her lips didn't give her the answer she was looking for, the obvious vote from beneath the covers was clear enough.

"What about this one! This is like space age!"

Castle is zooming around the aisle with some futuristic baby stroller that looks like a high chair on wheels. What happened to just normal, everyday strollers.

Since she had taken the day off for their doctor's appointment and ultrasound, they figured it was the perfect day to get some baby shopping done too.

In hindsight, taking anyone but Castle with her would have been a more productive decision.

"Castle...STOP racing the aisles...can we just look at them and compare the features or something?"

He shoots her a glare combined with an eye roll as he parks the high chair stroller back in its spot.

"Fine. No fun. YOUR MOM IS NO FUN."

He shouts at her stomach and she swats him away, concentrating on the Consumer Report article in her hand and the reviews she's reading off her phone.

Everything Consumer Reports likes for safety, parents hate.

"This one is cool? It has 2 drink holders...for each of our coffees?..Oooo or your coffee and gun, if we take the baby to a crime scene..."

He grins at her and winks, melting her heart a bit with his humor and charm.

"Castle that is $1,200! We're not spending that much on a stroller..."

She moves back down the row of strollers to the more affordable options. Which is laughable because Castle could buy the entire store if he wanted but she refuses to depend on his money alone.

"Kate, we can buy whatever stroller we want..."

She shoots him a quick glare and checks the tag of the Graco stroller in front of her.

"Just because YOU have money, doesn't mean I'M going to spend it Castle. I can contribute to this baby too. It's not like I'm delivering papers for a living."

But really, compared to him. It is like that. And she knows it.

"We're moving in together. What's mine is now yours. Money included...I've been dropping $4 a latte on you for years now so I think I'm used to you stealing my cash..."

He bumps into her hip with his own and cracks a wide grin. She remains amazed that she can hate and love him all at the same time.

"Keep talking and it won't be so funny from the guest room..."

He feigns hurt, grabbing his chest dramatically and pulling her close to plant a kiss at the top of her head.

"I don't like this one, it's boring when we could have TWO cup holders or a rocket ship..."

Castle pulls her by the hand back down to the admittedly cooler strollers but their shopping is interrupted by the sharp clearing of a throat.

"Can I help you?"

Kate has never been more relieved to see a saleslady approach them. She looks to be in her 50s or 60s, with hopefully lots of experience.

"Yes actually...we are looking for some baby stuff and...don't really know where to start..."

The lady nods and pulls out a clip board.

"Well I can help you with everything you need...my name is Linda and I own Le Petite Enfant...we are the première baby supply store for Manhattan social families and will do whatever we can to best serve you..."

Premiere baby supply store? Kate just remembered walking past it a few times and liking their adorable french sign. She forces a smile, feeling a little out of place and grabs Castle from making a toy honk and play music next to her.

"Hi I'm Kate Beckett and this is Rick Castle...thank you so much for your help..."

Linda's eyes light up at Rick's name. Probably seeing dollar signs.

"Mr. Castle...I am a big fan of your work!...I didn't realize you were married but congratulations! When are you due?"

Kate shifts uncomfortably. She couldn't care less that she's pregnant out of wedlock. Ok, so it bothered her originally. But now? It is what it is. She's a strong, independent, NYPD detective and doesn't need a ring on her finger to feel comfortable.

"Oh we're not...married but...Kate and I are...we're due in August..."

Castle stumbles over his words, looking nervously at Kate like he might be saying the wrong things.

"Oh...I see...well congratulations!...We have a checklist we can work from to get you your basics...I just have a few questions to get us started..."

Maybe she's just paranoid but there's a definite tone to her voice right? A judgement.

Linda takes down their basic information on the clip board and hands them what looks to be a laser gun, which Castle grabs immediately.

"Whoa awesome! I didn't know lasers would be involved!"

Linda seems less than amused at Castle's boyish charm and forces a smile.

"That's for scanning the barcodes of the items you want to add to your baby registry..."

Kate feels totally out of her element. She's been so engrossed with work that outside of Ryan and Jenny's wedding, she hasn't had any friends get married or have babies. So the idea of registering is totally foreign to her.

Do rich people really ask others to buy them gifts?

"Linda, can you excuse us for just one second..."

Castle is already scanning the barcodes of everything in sight. Hopefully they can delete things because they definitely don't want or need 4 different car seats.

"Hey I was busy playing with the laser!"

He quickly gets that she's in serious mode, not playful mode, by the scowl on her face. He hangs the laser to his side and stands up at attention.

"I don't think we should register...You...we...can obviously afford anything this baby could ever need and it feels wrong to have people spend money on us..."

He shrugs.

"Yea...that's fine...But, I really want to play with this laser gun...I'm going to buy one for home and we can just scan everything with a bar code!"

In this moment, she wants to strangle him.

"Castle. Can you be serious for two seconds?"

He sighs and nods, rubbing his hand across his face.

"OK, if you don't want to register. We won't. But if people want to buy us gifts, because they are being nice and they are our friends, then it might be helpful for them to have an idea of what to get?"

It still seems cheap to her. They won't NEED anything. So whatever people buy, is bonus to whatever they will already have.

"Let's just ask them to make a donation in our name, to a children's charity?"

Castle breaks her thoughts and she could kiss him in that moment for his brilliance.

"YES! That's perfect...by the way, do you think Linda is...a little judgemental of us?"

She lowers her voice and moves closer and Castle laughs immediately, shaking his head.

"No...she seems...snobby? But that's her job. Come on...I want to see if she'll still let me scan things..."

Linda seems slightly disappointed that they won't be registering. And takes the gun back from Castle which makes him upset and disinterested in most of what she has to say.

They start at cribs and changing tables and slowly move their way through the store. It all seems extreme. Women have been birthing babies since the dawn of man and didn't need a bumbo seat or exersaucer to do it.

With each new items presented to them she feels stupid for not knowing what it would be used for or not knowing if they actually need it.

She's also decided that Linda is the absolutely worst when she asks if they will be needing two of everything, one for Kate's house and one for Rick's.

Castle shrugged it off as a valid question.

By the time they get to the different bottles, Kate's feet are aching and her back is ready to give out.

"It's very important to pick the right nipple on a bottle...which one do you think you will like?"

She tries to listen closely, really she does, but the baby is doing flips and Castle is busy reading a handout about nipples. Probably just for the fact that it contains a photo of an actual breast.

"I don't know...whatever is the best...I'm a little overwhelmed with all the options..."

Linda nods and makes a mark on the clipboard.

"Maybe I could point out a few parenting books as well..It seems you will need some help...might I also recommend hiring a nanny..."

Kate stops walking as they move over to bibs and pacifiers. Wait. THAT was actual judgement right. Not just her hormones. She was making a dig at Kate's ability to parent.

"I'm sorry...parenting books?"

Kate's tone must alert Castle because he drops the boob card and looks up.

"Yes...I just meant...well you're clearly lacking experience and often with an...unorthodox arrangement such as this..."

Linda doesn't even get to finish her sentence before Castle steps forward, jaw clenched.

"Linda was it?...I'm going to stop you right there...because hell will freeze before I let you say anything more about the woman I love...and our life together...my mother raised me to be respectful to elders but I think she'll forgive me for this one...Fuck you and your stupid store."

Kate's mouth drops open at Castle's quiet but stern words and she's so shocked she can't even move her feet to leave. Castle pulls on her hand, with his other hand guiding her lower back and moves them swiftly back through the aisles and out the front door.

"Seriously?! Can you believe that woman! I'm calling the mayor and having her business license revoked!"

Kate is laughing so hard on the sidewalk that she can't even see Castle stomping around and huffing in anger.

"What's so funny? This...this isn't funny..."

Tears are streaming down her face and she's practically doubled over in giggles.

"I don't know if I'm laughing because you just told that awful woman off or if because we just spent three hours picking out baby supplies and now we're going to have to do it all over again...but I love you so much Rick Castle."

His brow is still furrowed with anger as she steps into his body, running her hands up into his hair and pulling him down to her.

"You do?"

He whispers softly against her mouth, barely audible.

"I really do."


	11. Chapter 11

Authors Note: Thanks for all the lovely comments/reviews. Much appreciated. I figured no one would read after I took such an annoying break. That being said, this is a long chapter but the words kept flowing and after so many months of writer's block, I let them! I think it sets up things nicely moving forward.

She knows it's silly she feels so uncomfortable about this entire thing but she can't help it. She does.

Parents Weekend for summer session freshman at Columbia is probably meant for actual parents. Not dad's with knocked up girlfriends.

But Castle insists Alexis wants her to come. Although it didn't help his case that Alexis has been over at the loft a few times in the past week to grab random items and never once mentioned to Kate about parents night.

So she can't help but be hesitant that it's more Castle who wants her there than Alexis.

Not that the two of them don't get along. It's always friendly and cordial. But they won't be setting any records for closest girlfriend and boyfriend's kid anytime soon.

"I think it's this way according to the map...are your feet ok?"

Castle is leading her along with his hand laced in hers.

He's giddy with excitement and it's pretty adorable. She thought he'd handle this two-week dorm retreat much harder than he is and she's pretty sure that he didn't read the part of the summer session booklet that said if students wanted to stay in the dorms past the retreat, they were allowed.

"Oh there it is! Furnald Hall! Don't you feel like we're back in college being on a campus like this?"

She glances down at the basketball protruding from her black maxi dress and Castle shrugs.

"Yea, maybe not..."

The dorm is an ornate brick and concrete building looking over an expanse of green grass in the middle of campus. Since it's only summer session and it's a first year dorm, there's just a few students scattered on the lawn with blankets.

They enter into the main lobby, a beautiful wood-paneled room with various couches and televisions and study nooks.

"Hi! Welcome to Furnald Hall Parents Night! Can I have you sign in here and just fill out name badges with your first name and relation to the student living here and then I'll point you in the right direction..."

Kate swears the kid working the registration desk cannot possibly be in college. He looks to be 16. Is she really that old? Didn't she look older in college?

Castle signs them in on a list and scribbles his name on a name badge, "Rick, Alexis' dad" and hands the pen off to Kate.

Obviously her name comes easy but then she's stumped. Rick's girlfriend? Alexis'...friend?

She glances up at Castle and he's thinking the exact same thing as she is. Which only makes it more awkward so she drops the pen and leaves off the title altogether.

She's already majorly regretting this decision to attend.

Castle slides his hand at the small of her back and presses a kiss to her forehead.

"Oh Alexis Castle's parents! Welcome! I'm Patrick, Alexis and I live on the same floor...my parents live in Phoenix and couldn't make it out..."

Rick shakes his hand and Kate offers up a smile, letting the Alexis' parents comment slide.

Just as the boy...Kate refuses to call him anything other than that...is about to point them to the elevator. Kate spots a laughing, squealing burst of red hair run into Rick's arms.

"You found it! Isn't it great?! It's the best freshman dorm assignment on campus!"

Castle sweeps her up in a big hug like he hasn't seen her in ages. In Castle time, a week without Alexis is practically ages.

"Oh my god, how is it possible you look older? It's only been a week!"

She grins and turns to Kate, hugging her softly.

"Wow...you've gotten so big!"

Kate's pretty sure the look on her face is not one of excitement with that comment and Alexis backtracks immediately.

"OH my gosh, I didn't mean BIG...just...growing ya know!...Agh...sorry...but I'm glad you could make it!"

Kate laughs it off and squeezes her hand in reassurance. She's on a personal secret mission to win over Alexis because she knows she isn't quite on board with them yet.

"So this is the lobby...it also a study area but there's a really amazing study lounge on each floor so this is used for more social stuff and hanging out...come on, I'll show you my room! Thanks for signing them in Patrick!"

She offers up a cheerful wave and they follow her to the elevators. It is like a flashback to college stepping in and seeing the posters on the elevator wall announcing tutoring sessions and clubs to join.

"Laundry is down in the basement but there's not many units so a lot of kids drop off laundry at the wash and folds around campus OR...their parents come and grab it for them if they live in the city!"

She nudges Castle and winks and he groans.

"I'll pay for the wash n fold if that's my only way out of hauling your laundry around the city twice a week!"

Alexis' hallway is filled with 12 or 15 single rooms, doors all swung open and dry erase boards on the outside with the name and hometown of all the residents.

"So this is the girls side, there's 15 of us and on the other side of the lounge is the boys side with another 15 single rooms! This is one of the only dorms on campus where so many Freshman get singles, which is kind of nice..."

Jackie from Chicago is showing her parents around her room as they pass and Alexis' room is nestled at the end of the hallway beside a Carrie from Boston.

"Carrie is my neighbor and she's awesome! She went to meet her parents outside but she's really funny and she's a bio major like me so we're going to have a lot of classes together. And Lee, across the hall from me is from Santa Barbara and her dad is a plastic surgeon and she's a microbiology major!"

Castle is taking in all of the details and excitement from Alexis and Kate is taking in his sweetness and focus. He's an amazing dad. Not that she didn't know it before but this just confirms it.

"Oohh Casa Alexis...well I would think $60,000 a year would buy you a little more real estate but it's great sweetie! It'll be nice being in the corner! And right by the Resident Adviser so I can rest easy knowing you won't be throwing any keg parties."

Her room is small but it contains a bed, desk, long dresser and shelving units on the walls. It looks almost identical to NYU's and Stanford's dorms of Kate's past.

Kate checks out the view of the quad and other campus buildings.

"It's a great view Alexis. It looks like you're really close to everything?"

The girl nods and points out a few buildings for her.

"Yea this is by far the best location for freshman so I'm really lucky. There's the main lecture hall where there's like, 500 students in a lecture and the bio labs are behind that. The cafeteria is that building with all the windows and the book store is right next to it!"

Kate smiles at her excitement. To be so young and getting to experience something like this for the first time, she forgot how amazing it can feel.

"We'll have to do some major shopping when you get home. They gave you a list of things right? Maybe Kate can help pick out some stuff with you because if you take me, we'll end with all Star Wars themed stuff."

Castle is rummaging through the closet and drawers., Checking the sturdiness of the shelves and door lock.

"Yea they gave me a list and I've checked out some Sophomore's rooms on the upper floors and they gave me advice on what to buy too..."

Kate can see by the look on her face that there's more to offer up. And she knows it's the announcement that she isn't coming back for the summer. But Castle seems oblivious.

"So there's cookies and punch in the lounge...there's a few other parents here and I want you to meet Carrie and Lee...oh and this girl Amanda lives a few doors down and she's kind of a huge fan of yours so sorry if she attacks you..."

Castle grins widely. There's nothing he loves more than being adored.

"Kate are you feeling OK? Do you want to rest or anything?"

Alexis hangs in the doorway and Kate shakes her off.

"I feel great! Let's get some cookies!"

Castle offers her up a thankful smile and they follow Alexis around the corner, she points out the bathrooms and shared showers. Something Kate doesn't miss at all from college days. Just the idea makes her shiver.

The lounge is small but there's a few tables and study nooks with a couch and a few chairs at one end of the room.

It's decorated with a Welcome Parents banner and there's cookies and punch spread out on a table. There's about 20 parents in the room and just as many college students. A parentless bunch is gathered in the corner laughing and looking at their cell phones.

"Dad this is Lee...Lee this is my dad Rick and his girlfriend Kate...and these are Lee's parents, Dr. and Mrs. Juang..."

Lee is a sweet looking girl about Alexis' height with short brown hair and rimmed glasses. Her and Alexis immediately start chatting about a few things and Rick and Kate shake hands all around.

They are soon joined by another set of parents, Gabby from Michigan is their daughter, an engineering major with seriously blonde spiky hair and a nose ring.

It doesn't take long for a bubbly, squealing girl with blonde curly hair to find Castle and flail appropriately. Alexis nearly collapses into the floor in embarrassment but Castle is in his element.

"I'm an English major...I want to specialize in Creative Writing but we can't declare that until sophomore year and it's a really competitive application process but...you are one of my favorite authors Mr. Castle...and OH MY GOD, You're her! You're Nikki Heat right?!"

Kate feels her face grow red and nods with a shy grin.

"I saw on Page Six that you're like, an item now and having a baby, which is...obviously true and SO PERFECT!"

Castle laughs and engages her in more conversation about writing, saving Kate from the Nikki Heat fangirling, which she plans to thank him for endlessly tonight. She slips over to grab a glass of punch while she has a chance.

Alexis follows her, helping her with a glass and napkin.

"Do you want something to eat? There's just cookies here but I have some things back in my room?"

She appreciates the sweetness of Alexis and thinks maybe she's been the one being uncomfortable with the situation the entire time.

"No I'm fine, we had a big lunch and this baby doesn't leave much room for food!...So are you having fun? You look like you're loving it?"

She nods enthusiastically.

"Kate, I love it. I know it won't always be this fun but we have a bunch of social activities and we've just been getting to know one another. Today our RA had a city-wide scavenger hunt for us to do and it was so much fun!..Do you want to go back to my room with me? I have some questions about what I should buy?"

Kate couldn't be more grateful to have this bonding opportunity with Alexis and she hands off the punch to Castle and follows her without question.

"We'll be right back..."

She trails her fingers lightly across his shoulders and feels him track them with his eyes but lets them go, Kate can hear him explaining to Amanda about story arc.

Alexis grabs a list titled dorm supplies and hands it off to Kate.

"So they gave us this list and then upperclassmen gave us their opinion but everyone has something different and I don't know if I really need all of this and the room is pretty small ya know.."

Kate sits on the bed and looks it over, grabbing a pen from Alexis.

"You definitely need a microwave...not that I'm encouraging you to eat Easy Mac for every meal but it's going to happen...and a coffee pot right? I think you probably just need a desk lamp and maybe one of those that clip onto your bed? For reading?"

Alexis settles next to her and nods, giving input from time to time.

"Do you think I need a laundry hamper? Or ironing board?"

"Just get a laundry bag and hang it in your closet. That way you can just carry it all to the wash and fold when it's ready?...We can get a mini ironing board, you might have a few meetings or presentations where you'll want to iron your shirt and pants?"

They go through section by section and within a few minutes both of them are laughing and picking out color schemes.

Kate even sketches out a few organization options with rubbermaid containers and tote boxes for the shelves on the wall and they decide on a few extra things they need that weren't listed.

"Maybe we can go to Bed, Bath and Beyond this weekend? Do you think?"

Alexis is giddy at the idea and since the girl doesn't seem to want to bring it up herself, Kate feels comfortable enough to mention it.

"That sounds great, I'd love to help...But can I ask if you want to go this weekend because you're not coming home at the end of the retreat...I read in the program booklet that it's an option?"

She knows instantly by the downward shift of her eyes that she's correct.

"Alexis, you need to tell your dad..."

She nods and Kate can see the emotion crawling up her face.

"It's just, he had all these things planned for this summer and I don't want to disappoint him. But I'm having the best time. And everyone else is staying since they are from out-of-town. And there's even a summer bio club that I joined and I think it'll be a great way to get to know some of the professors!"

She's justifying the argument to Kate, even though there's no need.

"Alexis, I think it's great! Your dad is going to be sad because he loves you and is crazy about spending time with you...but he's also a reasonable guy, he'll understand."

She chews her lip hard and Kate knows it can't be an easy decision for her.

"I just think with you and dad now...and the baby...it'll be nice for you guys to have some time alone and get things set up ya know..."

The idea that Alexis would at all feel pushed out by her presence breaks her heart and she forces herself to swallow back the emotion.

"Alexis, if you want to stay at Columbia because your new friends are and you want to enjoy the opportunities, that's great! But if you are staying here because you at all feel like there's not a place for you at the loft, that's not the case at all and I don't want you to think that..."

The redhead shakes her head and raises her hands in defense.

"No, I'm not saying that! Really, I'm not. And I don't feel that way!...In the beginning I was nervous because I didn't want my dad getting hurt but now, i've never seen him so happy and I'm really excited to meet my brother or sister...but I'm also ready to move on to my next chapter ya know? Especially now that I'm here and enjoying it."

She remembers her own parents packing her up for college. They flew as a family to California and her and her mom drove to a local store to buy all of her dorm supplies. She cried for a solid week when they flew back but then she settled in and barely called home on account of having so much fun.

"It sounds cliché but these are going to be the best years of your life. You deserve to enjoy them! They will go so fast and you'll long to have them back. Your dad will understand but you've always been honest with him and you need to make sure that continues, even when you're not at home. He'll respect you for it."

She's nearly overwhelmed by emotion as Alexis wraps her in a tight hug, burying her face in Kate's hair and squeezing tightly. It's not like their usual light hugs. This one is wrapped in emotion and connection.

They stay that way for a few extended moments, Kate even reaching up to smooth down Alexis' hair the way that her mother used to when she was upset and needed comfort.

They are interrupted by the clearing of a voice in the doorway.

"Wow, I feel like I'm walking into a funeral...everything OK?"

Kate smiles up at Castle and offers up her hand. He pulls her off the bed and she presses her lips to the side of his mouth gently.

"I'm going to go to the restroom and grab some punch...find me when you're done?"

She knows that look in his eyes, one of confusion and fear about what comes next but he nods and she squeezes his hand.

As she rounds the corner she can hear Alexis start in on "There's something I want to tell you..."

_


	12. Chapter 12

He's been moping for days. Not that he means to mope. It's childish and frustrating and probably not a healthy expression of emotion but he can't help it. Alexis is staying at Columbia until Fall semester starts.

He thought he had another few months to prepare for the change but somehow that turned into a rush packing job of her clothes and room and Kate and Martha taking her on a several day long shopping trip for dorm supplies and decorating.

And now she's gone.

Forever.

The fact that she's exactly 18 minutes up the island in a taxi during moderate traffic means nothing. He's still heartbroken.

She's been good about calling him every other day and texting him at least once a day and he's ecstatic that she's having so much fun and meeting new friends. But it sucks.

So he left Kate in the empty loft to go mope outside.

She's been wonderful and encouraging and tried anything possible to cheer him up, including a variety of seduction techniques but she finally said his depression was literally making her crazy and it had been a few days since he'd been outside.

Kate was right, everything is changing so fast. And now here he is, the one struggling with it.

All those months ago, his greatest fear was how she could possibly handle such a life change like getting pregnant and somehow, against all odds, she's been amazing.

Ok she's dragging her feet a little more on moving her things out of her old apartment and into Castle's but he can deal with that.

With her, he feels like he can deal with anything. Even losing his oldest daughter to a new life. And he's not ashamed to admit that he shed a few tears and instead of being Beckett...she was Kate and held him and ran her fingers in his hair and never made a sarcastic comment about his manliness. She just let him cry.

The bright sunshine and light breeze of the June air is refreshing, warm but not stifling yet, and it starts to snap him out of his fog.

It's a little mind blowing for him to think that in less than 3 months he'll be a dad all over again. An entirely new life that is all his and Kate's to love and raise.

With Alexis, not that he'd ever tell her, but there wasn't much joy between he and Meredith with her birth. They were both excited but a few weeks in and Meredith was booking roles and taking off, leaving just Castle to raise a kid on his own.

The fun moments, the hard moments, the big milestones, all of them were experienced alone.

But this time would be different. This time it would be him and Kate, in it together.

Partners, in the truest sense of the word.

He kicks along the sidewalk, slowly realizing that even though a huge chapter in his life is coming to a close with Alexis heading to college, he is about to start an amazing one all over again.

And it is hard to mourn that kind of incredible luck and opportunity.

"Mr. Castle! It is so good to see you!"

Castle looks up from his slow crawl to a see a smiling plump man standing on the sidewalk, shouting out to him with a thick italian accent. He is polishing the large glass window of his storefront, smiling broadly.

"Mr. Cassavant! How are you? You look great!"

The old man shakes his hand firmly. He hasn't seen him in several years, there was no reason to stop by his shop but he was a frequent visitor while married to Gina.

"You no longer come by Mr. Castle? Not getting in trouble with the old lady huh?"

The man laughs loudly at himself and Castle grins.

"Not that lady, no!...I actually have an amazing girlfriend now and we're expecting a baby in a few months!"

He feels a little foolish saying "girlfriend", it seems like so much more than that. He wishes there was a word for exactly what Kate means to him, how serious he feels about their future.

"Congratulations! Well then you need to come in shop! Let me show you some new items I have...she will love them!"

Castle glances in the store window at the shimmering jewelry. He actually hasn't bought Kate anything other than dinner at this point in their relationship and now that he's thinking about it, he feels bad. She deserves so much more.

He follows the man inside the small shop. It's quaint but elegant, reminds him of a small store front in Venice. It's the best jewelry store in the city in Castle's opinion. The old man has always been about to find anything he...or Gina...wanted or needed and he carries the most unique pieces.

He walks slowly around the glass cases, looking at the bracelets and necklaces, the incredible earrings.

"How about this diamond bracelet? It's beautiful and just came in from the middle east..."

He sets it out on the counter and Castle fingers it lightly, the large stones glistening back at him.

"She's a cop...a detective...I don't want anyone cutting off her wrist to steal this!"

The man nods and goes back into the case, looking through his options. Castle continues to meander throughout the store, trying to picture everything on Kate but nothing seems quite right.

She has her father's watch and doesn't really wear necklaces because of work. He could get her a special piece for special occasions but with a new baby he seriously doubts they will have many of those and he wants something she can look at on a daily basis and be reminded of how special she is to him.

"How about these earrings? 2 carat rubies! Very rare..."

Castle shakes him off. She's not a ruby type. She's not any type. She's so unique and it can't even be explained to someone else. He'll know it when he sees it so he keeps looking.

He eventually finds himself standing over the ring section, brilliant diamonds shining back at him.

"Oohh Mr. Castle...those are very nice and I have some new 3 and 4 carats, very clear..."

He chews his lip, thinking of what looks like Kate. His Kate.

Then he spots it. Tucked off to the side, away from the diamonds, a simple gold ring. It looks like thick gold wire wrapped multiple times into a simple, elegant ring.

"That one...right there..."

The man reaches in and pulls it out for him.

"You sure you don't want diamond? That one was shipped to me by accident...I wasn't expecting it...a new jewelry artist in Italy crafted it out of scrap gold from his warehouse...was going to add diamonds to it but it didn't work out...he didn't want to throw it away, thought it was too beautiful to waste so...he send it along with my other shipment..."

Perfect.

An unexpected treasure. Something beautiful born from something ordinary.

It couldn't be more perfect if he created it himself.

"I'll take it."

He doesn't even know what it means. Engagement? A promise? He doesn't necessarily care. He would take either or whatever else she was comfortable with.

All he knows is this ring is going on Kate Beckett's finger and they can figure out the rest of the details later.


	13. Chapter 13

So this is what they call "nesting" in the baby books she's been reading. The sudden, ridiculous, unmistakable urge to clean and organize everything and anything in sight.

Biology is insane. The fact that her body knows it needs to prepare for the arrival of a new life so it flipped some switch in her brain and here she is, at 3 in the morning, washing and folding the tiniest baby clothes she's ever seen in her life.

The loft is eerily quiet and dark. Castle was snoring loudly when she slipped out from his grasp and headed into the kitchen to wash the new baby bottles that arrived from Amazon earlier that day. Did they really need 25 bottles and nipples? It seems excessive but Castle insisted on over buying almost everything.

Washing bottles turned into organizing the cabinets to make them fit, which turned into unpacking the baby blankets and burp rags and now it's 3am and she's onto her second load of baby laundry.

She fingers the impossibly tiny onesie in her hand, it's white with a pale yellow duck applique on the front and "quack quack" written in faint yellow thread underneath it.

On the back butt flap are two tiny duck footprints.

It's cute enough to make tears form in her eyes.

In 2 months this baby kicking furiously at her ribs will fill the onesie and life will be completely different.

She folds it and adds it to the pile of fresh laundry.

Bibs, pants, onesies, sleepers. Most of them she bought with Lainie during a girls day of shopping but some of them her and Castle have picked up along the way, Alexis even brought home a little Future Columbia Grad outfit the other day.

She smiles at her favorite one peeking out from the stack. A bright green onesie, Green Lantern. Castle came rushing through the door with it last week. He spotted it in a cheesy tourist shop and "HAD to buy it".

So much love, for someone they haven't even met yet.

But she knows the baby so well.

It always gets the hiccups after breakfast, does flips anytime she is sitting at her desk and hates when she bends over too far. It always ends up as a sharp kick in the ribs that straightens her back up.

Not that she would ever admit it to anyone but when they are alone, she talks to her stomach. Rubbing her hands over the warm skin and sending all the love she can muster through her fingertips.

She smiles as she feels another strong thump in her side. If she's up, baby is up. And clearly it isn't so happy about it.

How can she not be tired? Her ankles are swollen, she feels like she's as large as a whale and she waddles, not walks, these days but she's practically bursting with energy.

She stacks the tiny clothes onto a shelf, they need to wait for the dresser to be delivered before she can fill it.

She stares at the pile of laundry on the floor. Her and Castle's clothes mixed together. Her lace panties piled on top of his silk boxers, her dress slacks and jeans mixed up into his dress shirts and tee shirts.

Who would have imagined this would be her life. Her clothes and life and love all mixed up with Castle's.

She can't stop the smile from spreading across her face and into her chest as she scoops the clothes off the floor and piles them into the washing machine.

Such a stupid domestic task but it means so much when she spent so many years tossing her clothes into a bag and hauling them off to the wash and fold. Not even paying the extra few dollars for fabric softener because it was just her stuff and she really didn't care.

Now she runs her hands over Castle's tee shirts, inhaling his scent from the collar. Smooths out his dress shirts and hangs them up neatly in a row, reminding herself to drop them at the dry cleaners on her way to work. She sorts his pants into jeans and slacks, checking the pockets for gum or trinkets.

She knows she usually finds wadded up paper, bent paper clips, sometimes tokens of their day together; movie stubs, coffee stirrers, napkins with story ideas. She always unfolds them and leaves them on his desk, never knowing if he wants to keep them for some special reason.

She grins at the wadded paper she pulls from the jeans, typical Castle.

She smooths it on the top of the dryer and her eyes scan the carbon copy paper.

His signature is sprawled at the bottom and at the top, Cassavant Italian Jewelers.

Her throat catches and she swallows hard.

There's only one item listed.

Only one purchase made.

Almost two weeks ago.

Handcrafted ring- 24kt gold.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thanks for your patience. I was on a roll and actually finished out the story (plus an epilogue) but then I decided I sorta hated some of it and it took me a little longer than I wanted to clean it up again. But I'm good now and there's only a few chapters left so I hope you enjoy!  
>_<p>

Don't do this Kate. Do not do this.

She keeps repeating that mantra to herself over and over again but it barely seems to be working.

She can feel herself panicking. Pulling away. Rebuilding the wall, brick by brick, despite her best attempts not to.

And she doesn't even know why. She loves him. _God she loves him_. More than she ever expected to or wanted to but she does.

And now, when she pictures her life...it's their life...together.

But that doesn't mean she isn't still Kate Beckett. Damaged Kate Beckett. So ridiculously, deeply damaged.

"Earth to Kate...Do you want to go or not?"

She shakes her thoughts as Castle looms over her, nudging her feet propped on the coffee table.

"Huh?"

She can't even pretend she was paying attention because she wasn't listening to him at all. She's barely talked to him over the past week. Ever since she found that receipt and her mind decided to go haywire.

"Your apartment...the moving guys dropped off a bunch of boxes...do you want to go pack some up? I can pack, you can watch?"

She shakes her head and tenses as she waits for his reaction. He's been wanting to pack up her place for weeks now and she just...can't. Now more so than ever.

"Kate...we're kinda running out of time...we can hire people to do it but you said you wanted to do it..."

This isn't helping. She knows he's just being thoughtful but right now she needs her mind to stop turning against her and telling her that she's feeling overwhelmed. And Castle, being here, all the time, being helpful and sweet and considerate is making it all worse.

"Castle, I said no..."

She can see him hang for a minute and then nod, turning and heading off into the kitchen with a heavy silence in the air.

She doesn't touch it, just lets it linger. Keeps telling herself to stop self destructing. Not when they are so close. Not when things are so so good.

She can do this. She can quiet this doubt and these hesitations and turn the corner and be OK with all of this.

She can.

"So do you want to do anything today or just...hang here?"

He hands her a glass of ice water that she didn't even ask for but he knows she's been hot lately and dehydrated and he just thinks of these things because he's Castle.

He's sweet and compassionate and looks adorable dressed in his worn Green Lantern t shirt and casual jeans and his hair is floppy and covering his forehead. He has a day or two of stubble on his chin and she knows she's staring at him.

She can do this.

"Are you in labor right now because you're kind of freaking me out..."

He raises his eyebrows to her in question and she reaches out and tugs on his jeans, pulling him down onto the couch.

She just needs to quiet the commentary running through her stupid head.

"Kate?"

She silences his question with her mouth, pushing it hot and heavy against his, parting his lips quickly and exploring every single inch of his mouth with her tongue. She can feel him moan slightly as she shifts her weight closer...a monumental task at this point...and her hand clamps down on his inner thigh.

He weaves his hand into her hair, pulling her mouth even tighter against his, nibbling at her lip and leveraging his mouth so he's consuming every possible inch of her.

This is working. Her mind is shutting down. This is working perfectly.

She tugs on his t-shirt, a sign that she wants it gone and he peels it off immediately, giving her access to run her mouth and teeth along his collarbone and feel the strength of his chest under her fingertips.

They haven't done this in a few weeks. She's been exhausted and feeling gigantic and last time they attempted it, Castle decided he was ruining the baby forever and couldn't complete the task.

She's turned on but this isn't really about her. She just wants him. She wants to remind herself how much she craves every single of inch of him.

She can tell he's a little lost as to what is happening as she unbuttons his jeans and continues to bite her way down his neck and shoulders.

"Bed?..."

She shakes her head and reclaims his mouth, trying to figure out a way to shift weight from the couch to in between his legs without looking incredibly unattractive in the process.

He begins to remove her top, a tight grey tank but she stops him, using his arms as braces as she swings her legs over his lap and straddles him the best she can.

She runs her hands through his hair, pulling his face to her neck and rocking softly against his thigh. She can't get the leverage she needs but it's working enough to make her moan into his ear and she feels his respond, growing harder and tighter against her hip.

She slips her knees inbetween his on the couch and slides herself in front of him, her hands latch onto his jeans as she works the zipper and pulls on them, signaling for him to raise his hips up for her to remove them completely.

"Kate that can't be comfortable..."

She ignores his concern and slips her hand through the slit of his boxers and grabs him hard. He practically jumps off the couch and groans as she twists her wrist, already feeling him wet at the tip.

She pulls his length out, letting her mind shut down completely as she takes in the sight. This is good. This is so good. She loves driving him crazy, reminding herself how well they work together. She does this to him.

She works her lips up his inner thigh, his hand on her shoulder and tied into her hair as she continues to work his base with one hand and hover her mouth dangerously close to him.

He pulls back suddenly and she snaps her eyes open at the sudden withdraw, looking at him in question.

"Kate, you don't need to do this..."

Seriously? Her mouth is inches from his throbbing length, her hand wrapped tightly around him and he's telling her no?

"It just...it feels wrong?"

She releases him from her hand and leans back onto her calves and watches him tuck himself back into his boxers.

She's fighting the tears in her eyes, the hot burning and he must notice because he immediately back tracks.

"No I mean...not wrong...it felt...amazing...but...it can't be comfortable for you...lets go in the bed?"

She brushes off his hand that reaches out to help her off the ground and doesn't even look at him as she turns and heads out onto the patio.

"Just forget it Castle...moment is over..."

She can see him hang his head into his hands and sigh as she shut the door behind her.

Her mind racing all over again.

Maybe she can't do this.


	15. Chapter 15

She's in a bad mood. Maybe that's an understatement?

But he doesn't blame her. She's obviously uncomfortable.

He tries not to twist his face into a painful expression every time she huffs and puffs to shift herself up from the couch or reach for something in a cabinet or attempt to slip on her shoes or peel off her socks but sometimes he can't help it. She just looks...uncomfortable.

Earlier she caught one of his pity looks and practically shot his head off with her furious stare and string of curses and insults. Which is why she's in the midst of slamming drawers and mumbling under her breath and god knows what else but he's way too afraid to look over his shoulder and find out.

He knows it's best just to stay out of her way. He knows because this has been their past two weeks. Tip toeing around one another, her getting frustrated with him or not talking to him at all.

He has this down to a science at this point.

"Castle are you going to get the baby gates out or are you just going to sit on the couch all day?"

He jumps up quickly and flicks off the TV, standing at attention. She's pushing pieces of hair out of her face and glaring at him.

"I...um...well...baby gates? Newborns can't crawl Kate..."

If he could pick up the words from the air and shove them back into his mouth, he would. But it's too late. He watches her brow raise in protest and her hands plant immediately on her hips with a loud sigh.

"Seriously? Is this what it's going to be like?! You being Perfect Mr. Dad every single minute of the day and telling me how everything I want to do is wrong?!"

He can think of fifty ways to respond but he has no idea what is the right path to take to back her off the emotional ledge he can see her teetering on.

"Kate...no, that's not...that's not what I meant...I just meant...why do you want the baby gates up?"

He cringes at himself. He's been saying the wrong thing multiple times a day lately. Why didn't he think before he spoke?

He follows her as she turns away from him, walking...waddling?...slowly moving towards the stairs.

"Because Castle! I asked you to do it! Why does everything have to be a four hour discussion. Seriously? You're smothering the hell out of me..."

Whoa.

He can see the flash of regret across her furrowed brow as she says the words but instead of taking them back but she simply turns from him and starts up the stairs.

His feet remain planted even though he wants to help her, support her back, giving her a shoulder to lean some weight onto. But he keeps telling himself not to move.

He runs his hands over his face in mild panic.

Smothering the hell out of her?

Is he really? Or is that the hormones talking?

She has been dragging her feet on moving everything out of her apartment and he might have pushed a little hard over the past week for them to wrap it up but that is more because he knows once the baby is here they wouldn't have time.

He contemplates his next move and watches her disappear down the hallway, moving slowly and he can't tell but it looks like her shoulders were shaking a little and it twists his gut to think she might be crying.

But he won't move. He'll give her the space she just asked for.

Or should he follow? He can't decide.

With Gina and Meredith it would have been a simple decision. If he cared enough about the topic of the argument he would have followed but only to prove himself right, loudly making his point as the argument escalated into a screaming match. If he thought they were overreacting, he would lock himself in his office and let the anger and resentment boil to an unhealthy level.

But with Kate it is so different because he truly cares. His heart aches when she is sad or upset and the worst of all, disappointed in him.

Baby gates? It makes no sense. He didn't install them for Alexis until she at least a year old.

And that's really not what this was about right? His psychoanalysis was telling him that baby gates was just her way of bringing up the argument about smothering.

What would that marriage counselor he saw with Gina say? That boring old woman would probably tell him that if it was something important to Kate and would make her feel more comfortable than he should do it. Regardless if he agrees.

He rubs the tension out of his face with a sigh and a last glance at the stairs and heads back to his office to dig the gates out of the closet, along with his drill.

It only takes ten minutes to screw them in place at the top and the bottom of the stairs and Kate still has not emerged from upstairs so he takes to installing all the cabinet locks in the kitchen while he's at it.

Maybe it will win him some bonus points for going above and beyond?

He resists the urge to proudly yell up to her when he is finished even though he is feeling particularly manly about his accomplishment.

Instead he heads upstairs to find her, vowing not to mention anything about what he did but just making sure she is OK.

This is about her. And her feelings. He keeps reminding himself of the psycho babble he learned all those years ago.

He doesn't want to screw this one up.

As soon as his feet hit the landing he can hear her muffled cries coming from the nursery and he picks up his pace.

He finds her sitting in the plush cream rocking chair, wiping at her eyes with her hands cradling her belly.

"Kate...are you ok?"

He races into the dark room and drops to his knees at her side, grabbing her hand.

"I'm sorry, I'm a complete jerk...please don't be upset...I didn't know I was smothering you but I'll back off.."

She shakes her head, wiping the tears again that continue to fall, her breath breaking into quiet cries.

"No...you're not a jerk...and you're not smothering me...I'm...I'm the jerk Castle...I don't even know why you put up with me..."

He pushes the strands of hair falling in her face out of the way and wishes she would look at him but her eyes are locked on the ground, her hands, anywhere but him.

"You're not a jerk Kate...you're 8 months pregnant...in July...I think you're allowed to get frustrated sometimes..."

She sniffles and shakes with sobs that continue to wrack her body, despite his attempts at comfort and he really isn't sure what to do next.

"I didn't...I didn't even want this...and now...I'm so happy and I love you so much...and I just know that I'm going to ruin it because I always do...I don't know how to make you happy..."

The words practically knock him off his knees. She doesn't...she doesn't think she makes him happy?

"Kate...that's the furthest thing from the truth...you make me happier than I ever knew possible...how could you ever think that you don't?"

She is such a mystery to him. Just when he thinks he has her figured out, knows her feelings and quirks. She throws something like that at him.

"You think you're happy right now but eventually you'll get tired of how difficult I can be..and you'll leave.."

The end of her sentence comes out in a tiny sob, broken by tears and he leans closer, bracing himself on her knees.

"Look at me...Kate...look at me..."

He draws her face upward by the chin until her tear soaked eyes are finally looking at him. Her face is tense and swollen, red splotches on her cheeks, chewing her bottom lip roughly.

"You can't get rid of me...not over some stupid baby gates or anything else for that matter...I'm in this for the long haul...I've known you for four years Beckett...I think I know that you can be a handful...and so can I...I love that about you..."

She stares at him and it nearly chokes his breath away. Her green eyes are a muddy hazel, she looks tired and stressed and worried. Like this is something that has been on her mind for days.

"I get tired of myself Castle..you're bound to get sick of me too...look at you, you're wonderful to me and I can't even pack up my old apartment and move into the loft...and not because I don't want to but just because...I keep thinking that if this doesn't work out...I won't have anywhere to go..."

He keeps telling himself this isn't his Kate. This is 8 months pregnant, hormonal, maybe a little unreasonable Kate and he just has to work her through this self doubt.

"I promise you...I'm never leaving you...What can I do to show..."

He cuts off his own words with an idea. He knows how to show her. How to make the promise that he isn't going anywhere but here.

"Wait here...I will be right back..."

He squeezes her hands tightly and rushes off, bounding down the stairs, tearing through the living room and sliding on his socks into his office.

His heart is beating double time in his chest. He cannot lose her. He can't let her panic and doubt be the thing that ends this. They are too good together.

He tears open his desk and quickly removes the false bottom to one of the drawers and slides his finger over the electronic reader and the small lock box at the back of the drawer clicks open.

Why didn't he do this before? Stupid Rick. So stupid.

She's been panicked he's not committed to this? And he'll leave her? And this entire time he's had this perfect ring sitting in his lock box just waiting to be placed on her finger.

He slams the drawer shut and races back through the living room and takes the stairs two at a time, swinging back into the dark nursery and landing back at her feet with a heavy pant.

He needs more exercise.

She is wiping tears off her face and cradling her belly.

He doesn't have anything romantic planned out. In his mind when he thought of this moment, he wanted to have some beautiful speech prepared that could encapsulate just how much he loves her and is excited for their future but he can't think of anything at the moment.

"I love you. I don't ever want you to doubt that I'm madly in love with you and the life we're building together. And I really wanted this to be a lot more romantic...but it doesn't matter because what matters is that I'm committed to you...and our family...and our future. And if you'll have me...I want to marry you..."

He can't really read her facial expression in the darkened room but he can see the tears have stopped and her chest is rising and falling slowly as he cracks open the small box and holds up the ring.

"And we don't have to get married tomorrow if you don't want to..or next month...or next year...I don't want to smother you...I just want to promise you that I love you...And I love all of you, the funny and the smart and the challenging and the frustrating...and I intend to spend the rest of my life showing you how much..."

His own heart is thumping loudly between his ears and he wishes she would say something, anything, to put his nerves at ease.

She reaches out and fingers the gold wire wrapped ring.

"It's one of a kind...I saw it and I just...I knew..."

He can't be positive but he thinks her face breaks into a small grin and the little sound she makes is one of awe and appreciation.

"Kate..."

She locks eyes with him and nods slowly at first, pulling on his hand so he's up higher, face to face with her.

"Yes..."


	16. Chapter 16

"Oh Kate darling...you look beautiful..."

She feels beautiful.

Sure she's a million months pregnant and she can no longer see her feet but as she looks at herself in the floor length mirror, turning to the side to admire her protruding stomach, she feels beautiful.

Kate looks at Martha in the mirror, who is grinning at her with a hand covering her mouth in admiration, and grins back in thanks.

"Here, let me fasten the necklace and then you'll be all ready to go..."

She needed help getting ready but since this is a special night for her and Castle, she didn't want to ruin the surprise by having him help her into the dress so she asked Martha, who was thrilled and overwhelmed to be included.

The dress is strapless, and a bright colorful printed fabric with bursts of reds and pinks and oranges and greens on a flowy maxi style dress. It's not maternity but it was loose enough to work with her bump and casual enough for summer.

After shopping for hours with Martha, they finally found it hidden on a rack and Martha exclaimed it was the most perfect dress for a special evening on the town with her new fiance.

Martha clicks in the necklace around her neck and she fingers it softly, smiling at how it goes perfectly with the outfit.

"Are you sure it's OK I wear this?"

It's made of what Kate suspects are large diamonds, chunky and different enough to complement the bright dress.

"Darling, you're marrying my son...and having my grandchild...and you complete our family...I couldn't be happier that you're wearing this..."

Martha squeezes her hand and pats her shoulder softly. Kate has missed the touch of a mother. Even though it's not her own, there's something about those sweet touches that only a mother can provide. She hopes her own touch provides their baby the same comfort.

"Now enjoy your evening you beautiful goddess...I have a date of my own to prepare for!"

She raises her eyebrow seductively at Kate and with a laugh, buzzes out of the room.

Kate takes a final glance in the mirror, adding more lip gloss and tossing her hair once more. She took extra time to curl it and tease it out so it's a little messy, just how Castle likes it.

She doesn't know where they are headed for the night, Castle just told her to dress for a night on the town and he would take care of the rest.

And by the look on his face as she exits the bedroom, he likes what he sees.

He's dressed in a flowy white linen summer shirt, the sleeves rolled up partially and light linen dress khakis. He looks so handsome and she feels her heart rate pick up at the sight of him standing in the living room, open mouthed, eyes shining.

"Oh my god Kate...you look...you look so beautiful..."

His voice is barely above a shocked whisper, nearly speechless at the sight of her. She grins, excited that she can still get a rise out of him, even this pregnant and swollen and aching.

He moves across the room and immediately reaches out to touch her bare shoulders, running his fingertips across them and down her arms, leaning in and kissing her softly.

"Maybe we should just stay here..."

He murmurs against her mouth, pressing a little harder against her, running his tongue along her lips. His hands move up into her curled, slightly mussed hair, she knew he wouldn't be able to resist it.

She's been so wound up lately that melting into his body for the rest of the night sounds like an amazing idea but it took her hours to slowly get ready and she hasn't felt this good about herself in months so she's not wasting it.

"Come on Castle...feed me and your kid...we can come back here for dessert.."

He nods and sighs against her lips, pulling her as close to him as possible and pressing one more kiss to her mouth. She feels herself groan as he takes his time working her mouth with his tongue.

All of the blood in her body is rushing between her legs and pulsing and it takes every ounce of power she has to separate their bodies and move closer towards the door.

"Can you believe this might be the last night out we have for awhile? I was thinking maybe we should stock up on snacks...and ice cream...and maybe movies?"

He laces his fingers with hers as he guides her out of the loft.

"Castle, we're having a baby. Not hiding in a bomb shelter. You will still be able to leave and my dad and Lainie offered to bring us whatever we need...we just won't have a nice night out for awhile...which is another reason why we should enjoy tonight and not stay in..."

He squeezes her hand and they manage to stay apart for the entire walk to the elevator but the solitude of the tiny cube draws her closer to him and her fingers play with the hem of his shirt while his mouth traces the line of her bare spine.

He presses his hips into her backside and she can feel his obvious approval. She's sincerely hoping this means his hesitation to sleep with her is over because that's the only real plan she has for the evening.

"You've never looked sexier Kate...ever..."

She rests her head back against him, letting him bare some of her weight, which he so does willingly, digging his hands into her shoulders, kneading out the knots and she suspects, enjoying the feeling of her naked skin.

As soon as they hit the sidewalk she's grateful there is an air conditioned town car waiting for them. The thick July humidity is unbearable on a normal day but dressed up, carrying 40 extra pounds, with baby feet kicking up into her ribs, it's practically toxic.

The town car is cool and comfortable and Castle settles in close to her, legs flush against one another, his hand tightly grasping hers and fingering the ring on her finger every so often. She can't help but stare at him for most of the car ride, wondering exactly how she ended up with the perfect man for her.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

She leans in, whispering into his ear, intentionally letting her lips flutter against the sensitive skin of his jaw. She can see the reaction it stirs as he swallows thickly, his pulse thumping hard from his neck.

"That wouldn't be a surprise now would it..."

He dishes it back to her running his finger tips up the smooth skin of her inner arm, lightly circling the inside of her elbow.

She doesn't care if she has to tie him down, she's going to sleep with Richard Castle tonight.

It's like he can read her mind because he raises his eyebrows at her and grins, his tan face looking unbearably handsome.

His shirt is unbuttoned enough that she can see the hard lines of his chest and all she can think about is running her tongue along it until he pleads with her.

"Stop undressing me with your eyes Beckett..."

He plants his lips to her bare shoulder with the command and sucks gently. She's never going to survive dinner if he keeps this up.

"Castle...you're making it really difficult right now..."

He laughs, his breath radiating down her back. God she hates him.

"You can touch me if you want..."

He whispers close to her, dragging his fingers up her neck, into her hair and back down again.

She has no hope when it comes to controlling her body these days, so the almost unbearable warmth that is taking over in between her legs has her absolutely convinced that she won't survive until after dinner.

She doesn't know how it's even possible but she can feel the stirring in her lower abdomen, the familiar tingle, the craving that is pulsating out into her limbs. She knows her tells and she's one more breathy touch away from an orgasm.

"Castle if you don't stop, I'm going to come in the backseat of this car and Eduardo is going to hear every second of it..."

She latches her lips to his ear and moans into it, but it's more threat than sexy because the situation really is that serious. She is fighting on the edge of release and practically chewing a hole in her bottom lip trying to restrain herself.

They haven't had sex in weeks and now her hormones are exploding and she feels downright primal.

Castle takes one look at her face and immediately removes his hands from her lap and his face straightens up, clearing his throat.

"Eddie...we need to make a pit stop...The Old Haunt...up here on the left..."

He stares straight ahead, hands to himself, even moving so his leg is no longer touching her, as the car finally slows and pulls off to the side of the road.

The car isn't even fully stopped before he's swinging the door open and dragging her with him.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: What can I say, this is just some good old fashioned smut before I wrap up the story with the birth. Enjoy!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

He can feel Kate's hand linked with his own but he has complete tunnel vision, leading them through the busy Old Haunt bar to the back cellar door.

Please God, if there's any justice in the world, do not let there be anyone in my office right now.

"Mr. Castle! We weren't expecting you this evening..."

He hears Joe yell out to him from behind the bar and he gives him a quick wave, barreling ahead with Kate hot on his heels.

Holy shit.

The look on her face in the car was nearly enough to make him completely lose control.

Her eyes dark and hooded with arousal, the sheen on her skin, chewing on her lip...

She looks incredible tonight. Her skin lightly tanned from their latest weekend in the Hamptons, her hair...oh god her hair...that perfect mix of sexy and beautiful, messy enough that it looks like she just rolled around his bed for a few hours...the brightly colored dress that perfectly shows off her beautiful body.

He's been first to admit that the idea of...sex...when his baby's head is so close to...that area...has him totally freaked out. But he's going to have to trust google on this one because there's no way he can hold back this time.

He fiddles with the door lock, a good sign that no one is using the office at the moment and feels Kate's lips press into his neck, licking off the sweat and gripping his sides, feeling her firm stomach press hard into his back.

"It's a door Castle...just open it..."

Her voice is rough, deep. It cuts to the core of him and makes his tight pants even tighter and this friggin lock won't open and he's half considering kicking it down.

He tugs on the key again, twisting it hard and is pretty sure he thanks the universe loudly when it cracks open and he let's Kate go first, helping her down the dark, damp staircase.

They barely hit the landing and she's on him, her mouth hot and furious against his. Her teeth pulling at his lip as she slips her tongue past his, diving deep and pulling out every single ounce of arousal that is buried inside him as she sucks hard and moans, vibrating in his mouth.

He can barely hold on to sanity in this moment, his hands are everywhere because he can't decide where he wants them. Her bare back and shoulders, her ass, pulling down the top of the strapless dress so he can palm her sensitive breasts, make her groan loudly as he rolls her nipple between his fingers.

"Fuck Castle..."

She hisses and throws her head back and his hands haven't even really done much of anything yet. He positions his thigh the best he can between her legs, giving her something to move against, her hands bunched in his shirt, her teeth practically tearing apart his neck and lip.

That's going to leave a mark.

She thrusts hard against his leg once and he hasn't even lifted her dress yet and she's burying her face into his chest and breaking apart around him with a loud cry.

Holy shit.

He let's her come down from her orgasm slowly, kissing her over her face and neck and shoulders. As she gains her composure he feels her rocking against him deep and hard and she growls into his ear.

"I need you...now..."

He grins at her primal desire but she's dead serious and desperate and pulling at his waistband, still thrusting her hips against his thigh but there's too much dress, too much fabric, too much everything.

He turns her quickly, her back to his chest, pressing his lips to her neck and shoulder to keep her happy as he unzips the dress and helps it down to the ground. His hands run back up her body, over her long legs and the warm lace fabric of her panties. He skips the stomach...he just can't think of...yea...and moves to the bra, unlatching it and letting it fall down her arms.

"Pants..."

She turns back in his arms and is tugging on his zipper, creating friction with her hand that has him groaning like a freaking teenager but my god it feels good.

She wipes the smile right off his face by grabbing him fully and squeezing, breathing hard and heavy against his neck.

"Touch me Castle...Now..."

He loves when she's all thick voiced and demanding and he doesn't have to be told twice...he runs his fingers up the inside of her thigh and is met with the slick wetness that is evidence of how ready she is right now.

He runs his fingers over her, feeling her grind into his palm and moan but he can't get any further because she's pulling his pants hard to the floor, along with his boxers and it's is all moving fast and furious but he doesn't even have time to care because she's dragging him over to the worn leather couch and pushing him down onto it, her eyes firey with need.

She straddles his waist and he pushes aside the minimal lace panties just in time for her to grip his shoulders hard, digging in her nails and sinking herself hard onto him.

He really hopes no one upstairs can hear the scream that just came out of both of their mouths.

She is tight and warm and perfect and as she thrusts her body she gets tighter and tighter, pulsating against him.

She lifts herself completely up so just his tip is pushing against her entrance and then sinks back down, cursing his name over and over and he can't help but join into the swears of pleasure.

"Fuck Kate...Shit..."

She's moving fast and hard and he's a hopeless cause because no matter how many times he tries to remember the numbers to Pi, he can feel himself slipping further and further away as she rides him harder, moaning into his ear, her full breasts swinging hard in front of him, her hair wild in her face.

This may be the sexiest thing he's ever experienced in his life.

He knows he's one second away from finishing so he reaches down between them and slips his thumb onto her and presses hard, a loud moan escaping her lips and then her back snaps and head throws back as she desperately screams his name over and over again, clawing at his bare chest.

Holy shit.


	18. Chapter 18

Her eyes snap open at the first sharp pain surging across her stomach.

She can feel her heart beating in her throat at the realization of what is happening.

The loft is eerily quiet. Castle's heavy breathing beside her is the only thing that cuts through the black silence. She doesn't move a muscle, just waiting to see what happens next.

They never made it to dinner. They didn't even come close.

They laid in a naked heap on the couch of the Old Haunt until she had energy for round two and then he made them get back in the car and return to the loft so that he could, in his words, do everything he wanted to do to her in bed.

She doesn't even remember falling asleep. She just remembers collapsing around him for the fifth time of the night, shaking, barely alive and his lips finding her ear as he whispered a dozen pleas of love and devotion and promises to her.

And now. This is it. She knows in her soul this is it but she can't move.

She can't find her voice to tell Castle just yet. She needs an extra moment. A minute to collect her thoughts.

She holds her stomach, feeling the muscles rippling, trying to memorize this exact feeling because it's the last time it'll just be her and the baby. With their quiet moments, hard kicks, flutters. A part of her will miss the intimacy.

She lets her mind wander as she waits for the next alert from her body.

She thinks of all the has beens and what if's and could have beens in her life. What if Josh was beside her instead of Castle. Would she feel this content and happy?

What if she didn't decide to have the baby. Would her and Castle still be here, naked and satiated and deeply in love? Would they have found one another no matter what the circumstances?

What if her mother wasn't in the alley that day. Or any day after.

She imagines picking up the phone and calling her and telling her the contractions have started.

Then her mom and dad would meet her at the hospital, excited for the birth of their first grandchild. Congratulating Kate and Castle, her mom occasionally catching her eye and sending her a soft smile. One that says, I know what you're going through you strong beautiful daughter of mine. I'm so proud of you.

The vision is so clear that Kate almost holds her breath wondering it's some version of real. Some message from her mom that she's here and cheering her on and has faith in her that she will be a remarkable mother.

Maybe it's a silly notion but it gives her strength in this dark quiet hour, with her pulse racing and a light sweat breaking across her neck and chest.

With the next tight stab of pain she clutches her stomach tightly and groans, breathing deeply through the discomfort.

Castle stirs beside her, rolling over and mumbling.

She inhales against the pain and clenches her eyes shut. Ok, so this is definitely happening and it's definitely painful.

Inhale and exhale. In through her nose, out through her mouth.

As the wave passes through her, her body returning to normal but on alert with adrenaline, she reaches over and runs her fingers through his damp, messy hair over and over until his eyes crack open.

She whispers, lulling him out of his sleepy haze.

"Castle, it's time."


	19. Chapter 19

He feels his pulse to make sure it's returned to normal. After spending an extra few hours at home while Kate showered and got ready, they finally made their way to the hospital.

He wanted to go immediately but after they timed the contractions they were still over 10 minutes apart so he agreed to hang around the loft awhile longer. Finally by 6am, they were coming faster and Kate was having a hard time standing the pain.

He knew when she growled at him to hail a cab that it was time to get moving.

She's finally settled, with an epidural and only minimally grimacing in pain with each contraction. The doctor said she's in back labor so the epidural is only partially effective but she's over 8cm dilated so things will move quickly.

Kate has an incredibly high pain tolerance so he has a hard time gaging just how bad things are for her. I guess getting shot in the chest does that to a person.

"Castle...ice..."

She is desperately thirsty but they won't let her drink anything, only letting him feed her ice chips every so often.

It's really kind of pitiful. He has to imagine for tens of thousands of years women have birthed babies and drank water before hand.

"Hey we're almost there OK...you're doing amazing love!"

He tries to encourage her but he knows his role is basically useless. Slipping ice chips into her mouth is as important as he becomes in this process.

"Your dad and my mom and Alexis are in the waiting area...Lainie had to go collect a body but she's coming back and the boys are closing a case and coming...do you want to see any of them?"

She nods her head, breathing through the pain with her eyes closed. They were in earlier but left in hopes Kate might get some rest, which never really happened.

"I feel bad they are sitting out there..."

He nods and kisses her forehead, rushing out of the suite down the hall to the waiting area. The wing they are in is virtually empty. He insisted on paying for them to be in the VIP area of the hospital so Kate could be as comfortable as possible. Supposedly Beyonce had her baby in the exact same room so Castle tried to convince Kate they should name their baby Green or Red but she wasn't having it.

"Hey guys... if you want to come in for a bit, she wants to see you..."

His mother and Alexis are bundled in blankets, resting their feet on a coffee table. Kate's dad is reading a magazine, cradling a cup of coffee.

They all jump up at the chance, Jim even squeezing his shoulder in reassurance, silently giving him support, which he appreciates.

Kate is sitting up in bed, a nurse taking her vital signs. She beams with a smile at the sight of her dad and hugs him tightly.

"I told you to go home and get some sleep Dad, we'll call you..."

He laughs pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Katie, you haven't even had that baby yet...do you think one day when it's having your first grandchild, you'll go home and wait for a call?"

He grins and moves aside, Martha and Alexis squeezing in to say hello.

"Oh you beautiful woman...you don't look like you've even broken a sweat...when I was in labor with Richard, I was like a wild beast... thrashing and screaming..."

Kate laughs and catches his embarrassed eye roll. It doesn't surprise him at all that his mother would overshare his birth story. If she has photographs, she would be showing them.

"Does it hurt? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Alexis is shy but excited, he knows from a medical stand point she's really interested in what's happening. He keeps catching her staring at the monitors.

"It hurts when...ouch...contractions start..."

He watches her breathing deeply at the foot of the bed and he resists the urge to push them all out so it can be just him and her again. Hunkering down, fighting through it.

It never felt this intimate with Meredith, he coached her through but it wasn't like this. This deep, visceral connection between the two of them. A partnership.

"Katie..do you have baby names picked out?"

Jim pipes up from a chair off to the side and Kate catches his eye. They really don't. They have a list of possibilities but none of them really felt right.

She shakes her head, wincing in pain.

"We'll know it when we see 'em..."

Fair enough.

They all stay in the room, trying to distract her from the increasing discomfort until Kate pulls him close after a contraction and tells him she just wants it to be the two of him. Reading his mind.

As soon as they leave he leans in, kissing her softly. She runs her fingers along the lines of his face, taking his breath away with her focused determination. God he's so proud of her.

He can't get his mind to wrap around the idea that Kate is in labor. With his baby.

He's going to be a dad all over again.

Up until now, to be honest, it almost hasn't seemed real. This idea that he and Kate created an entirely new life and it will be theirs to love and raise, parts of both of them so closely woven together, into this perfect little baby...

He chews his lip to keep from crying at the thought. At how much he loves her as she digs her heels into the bed and squeezes his hand tightly at the rush of another contraction.

"Almost over, keep breathing..."

He keeps his voice quiet and calm, just letting her focus through the pain until she can come out the other side.

He grabs the wet cool wash cloth and sets it on her forehead, pushing her hair from her face, running his fingers along her strong cheek bones.

"Alright Kate, let's take a look but I think we're ready to push.."

The doctor enter the room and slides into the end of the bed and Kate groans at the uncomfortable exam. The nurses are setting up trays and laying down protective sheets.

His heart is beating even faster than before now that they are so close.

He tries to think of a joke to break the nervous tension but as he leans down to whisper to her about the doctor's horrible hair he notices tears filling her eyes.

"Are you ok?!"

She nods and shifts her weight as the nurses lift her legs into the ridiculous looking stirrups. Both of their eyes track the doctor getting suited up and the nurse turns on soft classical music.

Kate reaches back out for his hand and he can see her swallow her nerves.

"Alright Kate...next contraction we're going to start pushing...Rick, just hold her leg back and coach her through it...if all goes as planned you two are going to be parents in a few minutes..."

He vaguely hears the doctors instructions but it feels like they are in a tunnel by themselves, tears brimming in her eyes, shooting him an excited grin despite the pain and discomfort.

He mirrors the nurse on the other side of him, hooking his hand behind her thin thigh and pulling it back gently, his fingers pressing into the firm flesh that he knows so well. He's kissed so many times.

He watches the monitor, looking for the tell tale spikes that let him know a contraction is coming and just as the line begins climbing, Kate reaches up and turns his head back towards her, running her fingers over his lips, his hair, his jaw, with a look of complete adoration.

She whispers to him.

"I love you Rick Castle."


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Thanks for reading. The idea for this fic started with one of the last lines of this chapter actually and I wrote most of it backwards and you all made it a pleasure. So with this, my first Castle fic is complete! I do have a few epilogue chapters completed, just snippets of what I imagine their life to be like as parents. Nothing extensive. The first one is posted at the bottom of this chapter and I'll also post a few additional updates-I always enjoy an epilogue after I've stayed with a fic for so long. Thanks again!

* * *

><p>"I HATE YOU CASTLE! GET OFF OF ME!"<p>

She can't help but scream in agony as the pain shoots into her back and legs. And he's all over her, so close, coaching her on, a stupid grin covering his face.

Apparently she's experiencing something called back labor, which means the epidural is useless. No one tells you about that possibility but after this is all over she plans to find whoever should have and give them a piece of her mind.

The pain is one hundred times worse than the aftermath of the shooting. It's like someone is clawing their way out of body...which is basically happening.

She feels Castle's hand clamped onto her thigh, pulling it back high and wide. Drawing circles with his thumb. Even though she hates him in this moment, he's the only thing getting her through this. The familiar touch, his soothing voice.

"OK Kate, you're almost there...a few more pushes and we'll be able to see a head..."

She has no energy left. If the doctor thinks she can muster up another push, he's smoking crack because she's running on empty. The nurse and Castle pull back her legs as the monitor dings with another contraction that she can feel overtaking her body but she can't force herself to push.

"Come on Kate, you need to push..."

If she had any energy, she'd use it first to tell the doctor to shut up and then maybe she'd push. But right now, she just wants to keep her eyes closed and head thrown back and groan through the pain.

"Kate, baby, you have to push. We're so close to meeting our baby...OUR baby...come on Beckett..."

Castle presses his lips to her ear, whispering with a tired, raspy voice, kissing her sweaty head softly.

Love. Pure, unconditional, ridiculous love.

"Ok Kate..one big push now..."

She doesn't think it's possible to muster up the energy but somehow she bears down with enough force to create some movement because she hears excitement around her.

"OMG Kate it has hair! It looks dark!"

Castle squeals with excitement, grinning wildly at her as she cracks her eyes open to look at him.

She kept telling him she didn't want him to look. Lainie told her once they see that, they never look at sex the same way again and she likes to think in a few months she'll want him to look at her longingly. But at this point, she could care less who is looking.

"Last push Kate..GO..."

Her motivation for a final push stems from the mysterious thing called 'motherly love' that she never fully understood until she was seconds from meeting her baby.

The final burst of pain is over in instant as she feels Castle laughing and kissing her repeatedly.

"Oh my god he's beautiful Kate...he's gorgeous...look at his hair!"

He.

"Dad..cut the cord right here..."

She watches Castle bouncing up and down, laughing loudly, taking the scissors from the doctor. It's like she's having an out of body experience. That's her baby in the doctor's hands. His loud cry filling the room, hands splayed in the air as Castle makes a quick snip.

She is stunned into silence as the slippery baby is placed on her bare chest, squawking with hands stretched and legs kicking.

He.

She immediately wraps her hands around him, pressing him to her and kissing his wet head. His loud cries immediately quiet into a soft whimper. He knows her. He's comforted by her voice and smell and touch.

Her son.

She whispers to him softly, watching him track her voice with his little grey eyes,

"My sweet guy...I love you so much..."

He's gorgeous. He's born with a light covering of brown matted down hair and perfect soft features. A tiny button nose and chubby cheeks.

His face settles against her immediately and a nurse helps shift her gown so the baby can begin to feed.

30 seconds ago she wasn't a mom and now she's feeding her baby.

Castle is snapping pictures, grinning wildly. He kept saying he would be happy with either but she knew he secretly wanted a son. A legacy.

"Castle..look at his little nose scrunching up..."

She whispers, motioning to Castle to put down the camera. He props himself on the side of the bed and wraps an arm around both of them, softly kissing her head, smiling from ear to ear.

"He's perfect right? I mean he's a really perfect looking baby..."

Kate nods, in shock at how natural it feels. How she instantly feels protective of him, desperate to make sure he has everything he could ever need.

They sit like that for several long minutes, in silence, just watching him attempt to eat, balling his tiny fists up and dozing off to sleep in her arms. Tired from his long day and surrounded by nothing by love.

Castle can't stop telling her how much he loves her and is proud of her and is amazed by their new family. And she's first to admit she isn't tired of hearing it.

"Ok mom, let me take him and get him cleaned up and weighed then I'll have him right back to you. Do we have a name for the little guy yet?"

She shakes her head at the nurse but Castle stops her.

"What about Beckett...I mean he's going to be a Castle right? So that way he can still carry on your family name for your mom and dad..."

Beckett.

Would that be weird if his mom had the same last name as his first?

"Beck." she whispers, "Beck Christopher Castle."

Castle smiles at her and takes the baby...Beck...from her arms.

"Beck...a king of kings, you will do great things young man, the greatest of things."

He whispers softly to the boy but Kate can overhear every word and tears roll down her face.

The + sign from all those months ago has a name, a king of kings, Beck Castle.

* * *

><p><strong>A Positive Decision: Epilogue by Moments<strong>

**+The End of the First Week+**

Kate cracks her eyes open and immediately knows that Castle isn't beside her. His familiar weight and warmth is missing and she reaches over the cool sheets just to make sure.

She holds her breath, listening to the monitor beside the bed but there's no sound.

She rubs the sleep from her eyes and glances at the blinking red numbers in the dark, 3:29. She last fed him at midnight and he gets up every 2-3 hours. He must be awake.

She winces at the pain from crawling out of bed. No one tells you that for the first week after birth your body feels like it's been hit by a truck. She laughs at the thought of the OB nurse warning her she can get pregnant again, even though she's breast feeding. Who in their right mind would even engage in activities to get pregnant when feeling like this.

She shivers against the night air and grabs Castle's blue robe from the door knob, wrapping herself up in it and shuffling quietly to the living room.

They are both running on little to no sleep. All of those stories about being awake for days on end are entirely true. Between feeding every 2 hours and burping and changing, she and Castle have done nothing but learn how to be parents for the past 7 days.

Without Castle she would be totally lost. He had to tell her she was putting diapers on backwards for the entire first day and when the baby spit up the first time Kate was certain she broke him and cried for an hour.

As she stumbles through the office she stops in the doorway to watch the scene unfold in front of her.

Lit only by moonlight she watches Castle sway slowly in the middle of the dining area, the small newborn tucked into the crook of his arm, sucking on a tiny bottle.

He is murmuring things she can't quite hear, his hair mussed and dressed in boxers and a tshirt, looking as exhausted as she feels.

Everything they say about becoming a mother is true. Her heart feels a thousand times larger than ever before, swelling with infinite love for this new life and the amazing man that created it with her.

She quietly steps out into the room and Castle glances up, smiling at her.

"You looked so peaceful and since you have some extra milk stocked up, I thought it would be ok to give him a bottle?"

She smiles and nods, amazed at his constant thoughtfulness.

She settles next to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and leaning her head to his bent arm. They've spent 7 days just looking at this baby, his face, his hands, his ears, the way he flutters his eyelashes and scrunches his nose, but she could easily look at him for twice as long and not get bored.

"Did he take the bottle OK?"

She whispers, running her fingers along his teeny tiny feet to keep him awake and suckling.

"Yea, like a champ. Didn't you Beck? You eat like a Castle!"

The baby has brown hair that somehow looks like it's perfectly styled into a faux hawk almost constantly. Kate and Martha swear he looks like Rick but Castle likes to point out all of Kate's features, including his long fingers and toes.

"Go back to sleep...I got this..."

He turns his head, pressing his lips to the top of her forehead.

"Are you sure? I can stay up with you?"

He shakes his head and starts swaying slowly again after Beck lets out a little muffled whine.

"Beck and I are going to have some man time. I just told him about the best classic mystery novels...next up, how to get a good shave...isn't that right B-man?"

Kate laughs and nods, standing on her toes to kiss the side of his jaw.

"Make sure you burp him twice because..."

Castle cuts her off, smiling.

"I know...he always has another one hiding in there...I got it...go back to sleep..."

She loves that she can rely on him, trust him, with everything.

"Goodnight mommy...we love you..."

Castle calls out from behind her and she buries her smile in his robe.

Mommy.


	21. Epilogue: The First Date

Epilogue By Moments

The First Date

"Here's the list of phone numbers...of course call your dad or I first or 911 if it's an emergency but there's numbers for Lainie and the Pediatrician, my dad, Espo and Ryan and the 12th precinct...and the restaurant...and Eduardo, the driver's cell is on here too..."

Alexis is looking at her like she's crazy. Probably because she is.

"I JUST fed him so he should be good for at least 2 hours, maybe 3 if he sleeps. We'll probably be back by the time he has to feed again but in the case we aren't, the bottle is on the top shelf of the fridge and here are instructions on warming it up...Alexis...are you listening?"

She nods and moves closer to the counter where there are at least 4 sheets of instructions spread out. Kate couldn't help herself. Every horrible scenario kept crossing her mind and she wanted Alexis to be as prepared as possible in the case something happens.

"Kate, you're just going to dinner...I promise we'll be OK..."

Rationally, she knows that. Alexis is a highly intelligent, ridiculously mature college student. She's capable of babysitting a one month old baby who will probably sleep the entire time.

But she's never left him for this long. Not even with Castle.

"Come on Kate, we're going to be late for the reservation..."

Castle is jingling his keys by the door, practically ecstatic that they get to leave the house. Together. It's the only thing he's talked about all day.

"Do you have any questions? There's no such thing as a stupid question...you can ask anything!"

She trusts Alexis and she's been over to the loft countless time since Beck's birth so she knows their routine and his cries and he's comfortable with her.

Alexis smiles and wraps her arm around Kate's shoulders, pushing her towards Castle and the door.

"Kate, we're going to be fine...now go...enjoy some fresh air..."

Castle scoops her into his arm from Alexis', squeezing her gently, knowing she's a panicked mess. As much as he's talked about getting out of the house, she's aired her worries and hesitation.

"Kate, he's sleeping...he's fed...he's bathed and changed...he's going to drool and make those cute little purring sounds and he'll probably still be out cold when we get back...Alexis, eat all the ice cream you want while we're gone!"

Castle winks at his daughter and grabs Kate's hand, tugging her towards the door.

She can do this. One foot in front of the other. The baby will be fine.

"We're so close, just keep walking...cross your body over the threshold..."

Castle is on the other side of the door, pulling her along. This is crazy. She's a fricking detective. A smart woman. And yet her heart is beating loudly in her chest, she's holding back tears and she can barely force herself to walk out of the door.

"Two hours Kate...just give me two hours of Beckett time and then we can come back...it'll be good for you..."

She nods. Knowing he's exactly right. They need time to reconnect. Have adult conversation. Do anything really other than feed and change and burp a newborn.

She contemplates just checking on the baby one last time to make sure he's settled but she knows once she sees that little sleeping face with his fists balled up to his cheeks, she'll never leave. So she throws herself across the door frame and walks quickly to the elevator before she can change her mind.

"Ok...good job...we made it out of the loft...it's already a successful night!"

Castle nudges her and she can't help but find him cute and charming, in his jeans and Batman tshirt and Mets hat. They decided to go casual and just head to Remy's for a burger and shake.

She can finally squeeze back into regular jeans, although they are a little tight, so she threw on a dark grey flowy top to cover her much softer stomach. She keeps telling herself she needs to get back to sparring a few days a week.

"Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett...it's so good to see you both out and about!"

Eduardo greets them with a large smile. Kate requested they use the car and driver so if something goes wrong at home, they won't have to worry about hailing a cab.

"Are you going to jump my bones like you did the last time we were in this backseat?"

Castle grins, raising his eyebrows at her.

She can't help but laugh, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at her handsome, sweet man.

"You look just like Beck when you do that..."

He is smiling, reaching out and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Do what?"

He mimics her eye roll and nose scrunch.

"That. That eye and nose thing...he does that..."

She knows exactly what he's talking about.

"He does do that...especially when he's mad that his bottle is empty!..."

Well, even though they end up talking all about Beck for two hours at least she makes it through dinner. And even a stop for ice cream on the way home.

Progress.


	22. Epilogue: Making Time for Mom and Dad

**Epilogue: Making Time for Mom and Dad**

"What time is it Castle?"

Castle groans and looks over her shoulder, "12:03..."

He feels her nod against his neck, her lips tracing upward to his jaw line.

"We have 10 minutes before he will start crying..."

Nothing like being timed to put more pressure on the performance.

He runs his hands up her sides and slips off the night gown she's wearing, which is what started all of this in the first place. She can't come to bed in some short strappy number and expect him not to want to kiss her all over.

As he removes the minimal fabric she pulls his own shirt over his head and trails her fingers down his chest to his waist, sliding them between his stomach and silk boxers.

She wastes no time at all in grabbing him firmly, applying the perfect amount of pressure.

"Holy shit Kate..."

She moans directly into his ear and he's about 5 seconds away from losing all control.

This is the first time they've...done this...since the baby joined the mix 2 months ago.

He's not going to lie, he's more than ready to make love to her again. Over and over if he has his way.

She moves her hand off of him and slips the silk down his thighs and he kicks it off the rest of the way.

She's hovering over him, her mouth biting down on his ear and teasing him with how close she is and how wet she feels.

"Castle...please..."

That little groan. The moan of pleasure she lets out when he begs. It kills him.

He reaches down between them and drags two fingers into her, feeling her shudder at his touch and moan loudly as he applies pressure. She moves her hips quickly against his fingers, growing wetter with each pulse.

Before she can fall over the edge he pulls his hand away and settles her hips above him, letting her lower herself onto him at her own speed.

He has no idea if she's still sore and he doesn't want to hurt her.

"Are you ok? Does it hurt?"

She shakes her head and clenches her eyes shut as she envelopes him completely and begins moving against him.

He is thinking of every math equation he knows to hang on just a little while longer until she can catch up.

He knows when she starts grabbing her breasts and dragging her nails against his chest that she's impossibly close so he slips a finger down to her and presses against the swollen center.

"Oh god Castle..."

She crashes down onto his chest and he lets himself go, wrapping his hands in her hair and saying a million incoherent thoughts in her ear.

She lays limp for a second, panting against his neck.

"I love you so much Rick...You've given me the best life ever...the best son...you're an amazing dad and partner and lover..."

He can feel her lips whisper against his cheek and tears falls into his neck as her hands grasp at his head.

He knows the feeling of being totally overcome with emotion because there are days when he sees her laughing with Beck or rocking him to sleep and he has to keep himself from falling to the ground in tears out of complete love and devotion to both of them. Sappy but true.

Before he can say anything in response, a loud wail cuts through their breathy silence and they both groan loudly.

Back to reality.


	23. Epilogue: Father's Day

A/N: I thought this story was complete for me but this crept up in my mind on Sunday and my fingers were doing that tingly, "Writer or else!" thing so...I typed this out. Just a short little something. Set around 2 years after Beck was born.  
>_<p>

"Shh we have to whisper...hand Mama the fork..."

She balances carefully, her arms full, but somehow managing to slide the pancakes and bacon onto the plate, along with a few pieces of fruit and the homemade card, which she tucks a little under the other items, hoping it takes a minute for him to get to it.

She doesn't want to miss his reaction.

She reaches down and grabs the utensil from Beck. His messy blondish hair is long. Too long, her dad says. But she just knows if she cuts it he'll stop looking like her baby and start looking like a little boy. And she's not ready.

Castle likes it because he says he looks like a cool surfer dude. Which he does. Especially when Kate puts on the skinny jeans Alexis bought for him and the striped cardigan.

"Dada eat cakes?!"

Beck is grinning up at her, his soft green eyes are shining brightly and he's practically bouncing on his toes.

"Once we wake him up and tell him how much we love him, then he'll eat his pancakes..."

He nods frantically and reaches his arms up, grunting a little.

"Oh baby, Mama can't carry you...I have to carry the food tray and your brother...but guess what, you can be a big man and carry the bottle..."

She hands him the warm bottle, careful not to jostle the baby still sleeping in her arms. It was a long, late night and she didn't have the heart to wake Castle to help, not on Father's Day so she spent most of the night watching black and white movies with Declan on the couch, their usual insomniac routine since the kid refuses to sleep until daylight hits.

"Beck eat cakes too?"

God her kid...kids...are adorable. He's smiling up at her and shrugging and she laughs, picking up the food tray and nodding towards the bedroom.

"Yeah buddy, you and Daddy will both eat pancakes...come on lets go wake up him..."

It's 8am. That's late enough to sleep in right? On Mother's Day she got to sleep until 10am but she was also nauseous and moody the day before so Castle claimed he gave her bonus sleep time.

"Remember what we're going to say?"

Beck shuffles his bare feet along, swinging the bottle with him, little milk drips trailing behind him that she doesn't have the heart to correct since he thinks he's being helpful.

"I say, Happy Faders Day Dada!"

She bites back her laughter and nods, minding her steps and trying not to make any sudden moves that will wake the baby.

"Ok, careful steps..."

She pushes the bedroom door open and Castle is still flat on his back, arm outstretched to where her body should be, lightly snoring. She uses her elbow to flick on the flight and Beck drops the bottle on the floor and rushes to the bed.

The clang causes Castle to stir but it's definitely Beck smacking both of his tiny hands against Castle's stomach that is the real wake up.

"CAKES DADA! HAPPY FADERS DAY! EAT CAKES DADA!"

He's laughing and jumping up and down with an amount of energy no one but a two year old should have at this hour.

Kate holds back a laugh as Castle rolls over, eyes still closed and reaches to the side of the bed, grabbing the tiny boy and hauling him upside down into the covers.

"DADA!"

Castle tickles him relentlessly, growling into his belly and the boy laughs wildly, kicking and giggling, pushing Castle away and scrambling to the other side of the bed.

"Dada no tickle! It's Faders Day!"

Both of them laugh at his reasoning and Kate walks further into the room as Castle catches her eye, smiling at the tray of food or the sleeping baby or maybe her, she can't tell.

"Wow...breakfast in bed! Beck did you make the pancakes?"

He giggles and settles beside Castle, tucking himself close to his arm.

"Mama make! I help!"

Castle jumps up and grabs the tray, helping Kate make it to the bed with the baby. She lays him down softly in the middle, organizing the blankets so he's in a protected fortress.

"What time did the night owl crash?"

She leans over and kisses him lightly, flipping the hair out of his eyes and forehead.

"You don't want to know...Happy Father's Day handsome..."

He grins, his eyes sparkling. He loves Father's Day. Even though he says it's not a big deal and no one should do anything special for him, she knows he loves it. And ever since Beck was born, she tries to make it special. Because he really is the best father imaginable.

"Thanks love...wow look at this...pancakes and fruit and bacon...a card!"

She chews her lip, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to open it. She had Beck color the outside but the inside was all her.

They agreed no real gifts for Mothers or Fathers Day. They have too much and are too blessed to need material items of any sort.

"Gosh Beck I love this card...is this a robot?"

Everything the kid draws is a robot even though it looks like a bunch of intersecting lines but he's always really proud of his creations.

"Uh huh...look Dada!"

He points to another bunch of lines and Kate's heart melts at how much love he shares with their kids. It's overwhelming sometimes, seeing how good he is at it. Loving them so perfectly and in exactly the way they all need.

He catches her eyes, maybe brimming with light tears and winks quickly, shooting her a smile.

Just as he's ready to open the card, Declan makes a squawking cry from beside her and Castle moves to shift the tray of food.

"No I have him...he's hungry..."

Kate grabs the bottle that Beck dropped in his rush of excitement and lifts the baby from the covers.

His eyes are barely open, dark pools of brown just starting to lighten within the past few weeks. His dark hair is much thicker and coarser than Beck's and she thinks he may take after her mom's Serbian genes unlike Beck's fair Castle skin and light hair.

"Kate..."

She bounces the baby a little, running her fingers over his bottom lip to get him to open up for the bottle but he's busy yawning and chewing on his hand.

He's such a different baby than Beck. As much in personality as in looks. Serious and reflective. Taking everything in and then reacting. The her to Beck's Castle.

"Kate..."

She wipes the drool pooling at his mouth, wondering if maybe he has a tooth coming in already with the fussing and drooling he's been doing lately. 6 months seems early but he's done everything quicker than Beck ever did. He's an old soul, Martha says.

"Kate...hun..."

She finally looks up and Castle is dumbstruck. Staring at the card and back at her. The food tray lifted and set off to the side.

Her heart picks up speed, thumping loudly in her chest.

"Happy Father's Day from Alexis, Beck, Declan and... #4?"

She doesn't really know what reaction to expect but she nods, chewing on her grin.

"I...I just found out...the nausea..."

He laughs and leans forward, pulling her mouth to his and kissing her deeply, still laughing into her lips and pressing his forehead against hers.

"I swear I look at you and you get pregnant...3 babies under 3...are we crazy?!"

She laughs and nods, kissing him again because really, it's totally insane and not at all what they planned but what exactly can they do about it.

"This is the coolest Father's Day ever..."

He kisses her again and leans down kissing Declan and grabs Beck, kissing his forehead and tickling his sides.

"You're going to be a big brother!"

Beck giggles and grabs a pancake from the tray.

"Me Big Broder! Declan is widdle broder!"

They both laugh and Castle still looks half shell shocked, laying his head back against the headboard.

"3 babies?...We're never going to sleep again Kate..."

She laughs and shrugs because it's probably true but at the same time, she doesn't mind all that much. Not when she gets this kind of love and energy from her family.

"It's a girl this time Kate...I just know it...it's definitely going to be a girl!"

She rolls her eyes at him, brushing the baby's hair from his forehead and staring into his dark chocolate eyes.

She loves being a mom to 2 boys. She's fine with two boys. But she wouldn't hate it if Castle was right.

And it turns out..he was.


End file.
